Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

Action Nerd: “ Hey Sarah, if the four of us climb K2 you’re going to have to die… OK?”

Me: “First of all no, and secondly why would the four of us even do that?! We can’t make it to the freaking hot dog cart together, let alone climb the world’s second largest mountain.”

Action Nerd: “Whatever. You’re going.”

Me: “No, I’m not.. besides why do I have to die? Art Nerd is way more likely to die.”

Action Nerd: “Sarah, only one in four people survive and they are never women. You’re just going to have to die so we can live.”

Me: “I’m not dying for you jerks. Plus, if I’m going to climb a mountain it’s sure as hell not going to be with three nerds. That’s days of math, chemistry and code talk. No way.”

Action Nerd: “Sarah, if the safety of your family were at stake, then  would you climb it with us?”

Me: “Fine. If someone threatened to kill my family unless I climbed K2 with a group of nerds, well, then I’d go.”

Action Nerd: “Sweet, you’re committed.”

“Sarah your hair is so curly today.”

“Yeah, I was going for a Molly Ringwald look with the hair and 80s style skirt.”

“But she has red hair.”

“Squint a little and pretend I do.”

“OK.”

“Did I pull if off? Do I look Molly?”

“Well, you mostly look like Sarah Nielson to me.”

Sometimes I forget that the only female fashion a nerd understands is Princes Leia.

The one time I leave my computer unlocked and go to lunch, I find this on my calendar:

AND a screen saver that’s likely illegal in 45 states. I’ll spare you the visual.

These nerds have no idea who they are messing with. I’m so gonna take their Star Wars action figures out of the box and place them in non-missionary sexual positions. Oh, the horror…

“Sarah, Caleb and Andrew both think Little Mermaid is hot.”

“Of course they do. They are nerds. It’s in their DNA to have a thing for cartoon characters.”

“So this is normal?”

“Of course not. She’s a damn mermaid. They have the hots for a fish.”