Tales of Wit and Charm…

Things that make me happy:

Seeing that Willie Nelson is following me on Twitter is pretty much awesome.  Sure, it’s not really him, but who cares.  Although it does serves a reminder that I didn’t buy the Willie Nelson doll at the concert Ben and I went to.  I still covet that damn doll and regret the decision not to buy it.

Things that make me unhappy:

Seeing my face tossed aside into a gutter pisses me off.  First of all, I hate when people litter, and second I absolutely detest being turned into gutter trash.  People, at least have the decency to let me find my own way to the gutter.  Come on.  Given enough time I’m nearly positive I’ll end up a gutter girl.  Have faith.

Yesterday was a complete waste of my time.  No wine and cheese mixer, just a lot of waiting around in a lobby that thinks children’s books are far more important than gossip magazines.  Puhh-lease.  I’m all about seeing stars in the bedroom, trust me, but this isn’t typically the way I go about it:

Sadly there were no hot cops like you people suggested. Proving you cannot believe everything you read on the Internet. The Internet lied to me. Again. First you let me to believe I could learn to be a master in bed by reading one email, or grow my penis six inches with a vitamin; then you lied and told me the F.B.I was patrolling Facebook. Internet, I’m starting to trust you less and less every single day.

The good news is I have forgiven you, but someone still owes me a hot cop. Get on it.

Dear Internet,

I’m likely going to die in a fire this weekend.  I only tell you this because you’ll miss me.  I know you will.  You, my mother both, and possibly Ben.  RLO, however, will not miss me.  I can’t blame him at all.  In fact upon my death RLO may bloom into the lovely person I won’t let him be.

I just took out the batteries of every single fire detector in my apartment.  Not because I have a death wish but because I couldn’t figure out which one was the cause of the low battery chirp.  I’d rather risk death than risk chirping-induced insanity.

Internet I will miss you.

Love,
Sarah

RLO met the new guy I’m dating last night.  The guy that I’ve promised not to liken to a troll doll on the Internet anymore.  Oops, I did it again.   OK, starting NOW I’m not going to liken him to a troll doll on this website.  That one doesn’t count.  Right?

Anyway.  The point.  I have one.

RLO and the non-troll doll guy met for the first time last night.  Today RLO mentioned that the new guy was cool.  RLO’s opinion means so much to me that I mentioned it to the new guy.

Him: “So RLO liked me, eh?”

Me: “He did.”

Him: “Is that just because he thinks that I’m easily manipulated and that I’ll be sharing his workload.  The workload being you of course.”

Me:  “I’m not work.  I’m a hobby.”

Him: “I like that.  You’re going to be my new favorite hobby.”

This is where the conversation should have ended, but nooooo.  He felt that it was important to share with me an imaginary conversation.

“So what do you do with your spare time?”
“Oh, I listen to music nobody’s ever heard of, work on my motorcycle, and a dabble a bit in Sarah?”
“Sarah? I could never figure that one out–too complicated.  Had to drop that hobby the moment I picked it up.”
“Yeah, I hear you. But it’s supposed to have its payoffs–I just haven’t figured them out yet…”

I laughed and decided to keep him. For now.  But the minute this turns sour I’m totally blaming RLO.

Michael from Calanan Photography asked me to participate in his photo series “This is Their Place.” Truthfully I think he wanted just Daisy Dog, but knew I’d have to drive her so he kindly included me. Daisy and I had a nice sit down and discussed our favorite bacon flavored products as well as where in SLC felt like our place. I wanted our place to be the inside of a Shiraz bottle, but realized it might be a tight fit so settled for Daisy’s favorite place: Liberty Park, specifically the pond there. You can see the photos and read my essay here.

I’m glad I took part, even if the jerk dragged me out of bed at 8:00 am ON A FUCKING SUNDAY MORNING! For any locals I suggest you sign up for his project. He’s a great photographer and even comes prepared with water for your dog, because sometimes ditzy dog owners I forget those important little things.

Thanks Michael! Don’t be surprised if those photos pop up on my blog about section in the near future.

I went to the Utah Arts Festival yesterday.  I had an amazing day and ran into some really cool people.  Unfortunately, today I feel absolutely crummy.  I can’t figure out if it’s the wine, being out in the heat all day, or possibly the fact the wine, too, was out in the heat all day.  Whatever the case, it’s safe to say my feet aren’t the only icky today.  And with that, I’m going back to bed.