Tales of Wit and Charm…

To read this week’s column go here. One of these days I may even get around to posting the pictures with needles in my forehead. Just not today… I’m too busy being pissed off at the President for making me late to work. The war is one thing, but fucking up my commute? Now that’s something worthy of impeachment.

*Edit: for all those who have emailed me requesting the contact info for the Botox doctor I used here you go Center For Facial Appearances. Make sure you ask Dr. Anderson to tell you the stories about his travel abroad.  Trust me.

When it comes to preserving the environment and recycling, I feel like I have to double my efforts to make up for my family.

My parents live in the country and as far as I know there is no recycling program. I’m not sure if my other brothers recycle, but I know Ben doesn’t. He’s way too lazy. His idea of preserving the environment is leaving the food wrappers and empty drink cups in the back of his car. At one point when I told him how gross it was he replied, “Sarah, I’m working on a compost pile, leave me alone.”

Last night, when a light bulb burnt out in my apartment I went to retrieve the energy-saving fluorescent light bulbs I’ve been using, but I was out–thus the following conundrum: use the regular light bulbs that I already had, or drive to the store to buy more fluorescent bulbs?

Using low-energy bulbs is awesome, but using the fuel to drive to the store isn’t exactly the most environmentally sound decision. And fuck walking, I didn’t want to change into comfy shoes.

Being a list lover, I sat down and started writing a pro/con list to help make the decision. Ten minutes into the list process I poured myself a glass of wine. Five minutes later a second glass was consumed, and then a third…

Clearly my drunken subconscious was telling me to stay home and preserve gasoline. I can’t very well drive after drinking, right? Right! I then polished off the remainder of the bottle of wine and vowed to recycle the bottle, which I promptly forgot about and threw the bottle in the trash bin. Next time… I promise.

Ben and I drove to the country today for Mothers’ Day. We wanted to prepare breakfast in bed for my Mom like we did in the old days, however, we are admittedly the laziest kids ever. Instead of getting up at the ass crack of dawn we left instant oatmeal and a “Gilmore Girls” card on her bed while she was at church praying for replacement children.

Reading the BlogHer site today I noticed there is a student ticket price for the upcoming SF conference.  Umm, hello, why did I not know this?  I’ll tell you why, because Loralee is a horrible friend.  Trying to keep me from going on a trip to San Fran with her.  She’s totally fired and the only way I will forgive her is if she drives to SLC and wins back my love by having a lunch date with me.  Or if she finds me a roomie for the conference, preferably one that doesn’t suck.  I can swing the ticket price but the hotel room will kill my shoe budget.

Who out there is going?  Who out there needs a roomie?  Who do I have to sleep with to get a good place to stay?  Seriously.

This picture is a giant lie, because OH MY GOD do you see how skinny my arm looks?!

Today’s autism walk was a complete success! I was very happy to be part of it, and even happier knowing our team kicked ass at fund raising. A big thanks to my readers who donated, and to Rlo who carried my bag for most of the walk. I rewarded him by not making fun of his sunglasses.