Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

I’ve had numerous people tell me how much they hate the new season of “The Hills.” Everyone is complaining how staged the show is, but NOT ME! It’s totally real, scheduled maybe, but very, very real.

Between school and work it’s been difficult to find the time to watch it. In a brilliant multitasking plan my workmate, Robyn, and I have been watching the show together on our lunch break at work as we eat.

It’s perfect! Well, almost perfect. I just need to figure out how to get the nerds to stop protesting:

This week’s “That’s What She Said.”

I’ll post the PDF version later tonight when I’m not trying to navigate my way around D.C. looking for a Dunkin’ Donuts. I don’t understand why the Obama family isn’t acting as my personal tour guide. It’s like they are busy or something.

Something strange has been going on with RLO lately: he’s been acting straight. First he calls a girl I’ve been trying to set him up with for over a month, and the following may just peg him as a straight man forever.  Forever, of course, being until he starts trying to discuss recipes and laundry techniques with me.

I was at Summer’s place for an evening of “Heroes” and chocolate chip cookies.  While I was there RLO emailed me and asked that I send a picture of the two of us scissoring.

I don’t think the picture I sent him was exactly what he had in mind:

I’m taking an Interpersonal Communications class this semester.  Last night while watching TV I was working on a homework question about noise during a message transfer.  Since this is a straightforward, simple question that I remember learning in junior high school I didn’t take it too seriously.  Obviously:

Give three examples of disruptive noise that you are experiencing at this moment, and a solution for each of them.

1)    Stinky Pug Dog Farts—forcing Gas-X strips onto my dog’s tongue can easily solve this noise interference.

2)    90210—the show I’ve been longing to see for the past ten years is back on air.  Yippee! This noise here is both literal and psychological.  The show playing on my TV while I am working on homework is a literal noise that could easily be shut off, but hell no!  I’m very busy yelling at the TV for not showing me any Tori Spelling cameos.  Can you believe that?  My inner dialogue on the subject is the psychological noise.

3)    The mirror is my closet is also considered noise.  After watching “90210” I needed to check the mirror to make sure I aged better than Brenda Walsh.  Luckily I did, and the noise was easy to minimize by walking away.

I thought about redoing the question, but the two glasses of wine I consumed told me not to.  In fact they told me to have a tubby, put on comfy jammies and go to bed.  I always listen to the voices in my wine, so I did just that.

Last night RLO and I decided to take our relationship to the next level.

Calm down, we didn’t hump–it was far more spiritual than physical.  RLO introduced me to one of his Mormon friends.

He and one of his female friends had plans to go grab some dinner, and he invited me to come along. It’s always made me feel bad that he keeps me so separate from his other friends, so I happily accepted.

On the way there I started to worry that we’d have nothing in common and the conversation would be not only lacking, but also boring as hell.  Luckily that wasn’t the case.  The only one bored was RLO.  His friend and I talked about The Hills and Gilmore Girls.  It was glorious to have someone besides Mrs. AK and Kelli to discuss LC’s newest fingernail polish shade.  Which, by the way, I’m liking the purple looking black.  So much in fact I’m going to find the shade and make RLO paint my nails.  It’s the perfect way to compliment the new ring he picked out for me.  Don’t get too excited, it was plastic ring from Forever 21, but that doesn’t make it any less special, or him less gay.

RLO and I watch Project Runway with AK and Mrs. AK every season.  RLO likes to show off his knowledge of the designers and make us feel stupid for not remembering every single detail.  I like to drink wine and make fun of RLO for being so involved.

This Wednesday the new season begins.  I cannot wait. This season is going to be the best yet.  Why you ask?  Because our friend Keith made the cut! I don’t know who is more excited me or RLO.

Let’s get Filthy!