Tales of Wit and Charm…

I’m going to do something a little different this week with the photo of the day. Instead of posting random snapshots from my iPhone, I’ll be posting photos of a pretty spectacular little boy and me. This is the little boy I’ll be walking for on Saturday at the Utah Autism Speaks Walk.

Thanks to The Kid’s hard work, my previous dating column archives are all in one spot. Nerds are seriously the best thing ever! Well that and Tivo, which is technically the work of nerd so… oh, and Rlo. He’s the third best thing ever–even if he does drink the last of a shared Diet Coke in the movie. Actually, now that I think about it Rlo isn’t third, he’s fourth, Diet Coke is third.

Damn it. I changed my mind. Comcast Cable is the fourth best thing ever. Rlo is number five. So the order is: 1) Nerds 2) Tivo/DVR 3) Diet Coke 4) Comcast Cable 5) Rlo.

Why did Comcast make the list? As much as I love a good dose of sperm, TV seemed like hardly the place to get it.

I took part in a local news show called On the Record with Chris Vanocur. Also on the show were Jon and Heather Armstrong. It airs Sunday, but you can watch the video here.

When I was told the writer of Dooce was taking part I was pissed. This meant I would have to switch out my purse. I mean, sure, I thought it would be cool to meet her since we have so much in common—we both watch “The Hills” and I have a feeling she knows the super secret that I do: THE SHOW IS REAL, DAMN IT!

But the purse issue took precedence!

A couple of months ago George! sent me an article about his cousin Heather (Dooce) I couldn’t get past the picture to read the article. Her purse was incredible, and I knew I had to have it. And really can you blame me? The retro style print is amazing and those colors? Perfect for spring!

After hours of unsuccessfully searching online I gave up. The next day I couldn’t get that purse off my mind. I convinced myself the purse and I were totally meant to be. And we must have been, because I finally found it and immediately ordered it.

I knew it was a risk as I live in the same city as Heather, but I figured the chances of me ever running into her were slim. I forgot to take into consideration the gods of fate hate me, because a few days later she posted the purse in her daily style section. Within a day the purse was sold out.

The next day a friend of mine complimented the purse and said that it looked familiar. OF COURSE IT DID, because it was posted online for millions of Dooce readers to see. The purse is now fondly referred to as the “Dooce ruined my life” purse. Despite the fact half the world now owns the purse I still carry it daily. So, you’ll understand my annoyance at having to switch purses for the filming. After all, nothing says crazy stalker like showing up with the exact same bag as an Internet rock star.

“Sarah, it’s Scott.  Did you break up with me?  At least call me and tell me if you broke up with me, or at least leave a note on your blog or something.”

I love this!  How great that now I don’t even have to return calls or text message people anymore, I can inform them via blog I didn’t break up with them.

If I were to call him back–which I probably won’t because I’m lazy–I’d be sure to tell him we are not broken up at this time.  He’s not fired and still considered a friend, in fact a better friend than I am since he calls people.

Now if I could only figure out how to get my family to accept this form of communication my world would be perfect.

I have a friend who doesn’t have cable or Internet access at home. Can you imagine? I couldn’t, so I wanted to see if I could handle it. I couldn’t. At all.

Tuesday Night
7:30 Home from class.
7:32 Staring at my TV wondering what the red light on my Tivo is recording.
7:35 Still staring.
7:40 Going crazy wondering what DAMN SHOW I AM MISSING! Maybe grocery shopping will help.
8:20 Grocery shopping done. Cold cereal and cottage cheese put away. Now what?
8:24 A vodka tonic, that’s what!
8:26 Riding the elliptical.
8:36 Not riding the elliptical. Without TV to take my mind of exercising, I’m fully aware that I’m exercising. Uggg, boring.
8:45 OK, yoga. I like doing yoga.
9:00 SHIIIIITTT! I don’t like doing yoga on my own—can’t remember poses correctly. Need program from Tivo for proper workout.
9:02 I’ll catch up on some reading. I still need to finish the Obama book and there are three past New Yorkers I’ve not read yet, plus school reading. I suck.
9:03 Hmmm… What to read first. Listing pros and cons of starting with different readings.
9:08 Can’t decide. Maybe a vodka tonic will help.
9:10 Yup! Decided on magazine reading.
9:13 Phone call from hooker George. Talking super slow to take up more time. He’s Texan, he won’t notice.
9:27 Wondering if Twitter via phone counts. I really want to twitter how hard this is.
9:28 Really, it’s my phone not my computer, it shouldn’t count. Hmmm..
9:29 Should get back to reading, but my focus is gone. Way, way gone.
9:31 Putting moisturizer on my face for the fourth time tonight. If I break out I’m gonna blame my friend for putting this crazy idea into my head. He sucks.
9:32 Staring at face in the mirror watching to see if any zits surface. Consequently wondering if zits could appear that fast. Probably not.
9:34 Whew, nothing.
9:35 Damn my bathroom could use a good cleaning.
9:36 Remembering fondly the time I manipulated Ben into cleaning it for me. Hmm… Wonder when he’s back in town. I could possibly talk him into it. Wait, I have no idea when he’s back and I can’t check my email to find out.
9:37 Does phone email count? Compromising with Internet addicted self: outgoing mail is OK, past mail notsomuch.
9:40 Clock watching. How early can I go to bed without seeming pathetic.
9:45 Fuck this! I’m taking an Ambien and going to bed.

I’ve been blogging on Blogspot for a couple of years now, and it’s time for a change. I’m going to be moving my blog from Blogspot tomorrow, thanks to lots of help from The Kid. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while but I’m lazy. He, however, is not. He’s got the drive those silly young kids seem to have. Me? Notsomuch.

What does this mean for you? Hopefully not much. Some of you already use the domain www.sarahnielson.com, but will still need to change your RSS feed once my content is moved over. My new site will have an easy RSS feed so just add it. Also, if you have this blog linked on yours please change to www.sarahnielson.com if that’s not the URL you’re currently using.

I’m finally getting around to adding a blogroll to the new site, but it’s a slow process. So if you don’t see your blog linked on there give me a couple of weeks to finish that up. I’m lazy remember? I need to save that energy to lift a wine glass to my lips.

Change can be such a pain in the ass, but I think it will be worth it!

Of course I told him, “Hell no! Get a job and buy your own.”