Tales of Wit and Charm…

Ben: “I know you’re mad at me for killing a deer.”

Sarah: “Of course I am! For multiple reasons… number one, you didn’t even feel bad about it.”

Ben: “I told you that it would’ve been dead within ten minutes. There were a ton of hunters around us. So it might as well be me that shot it.”

Sarah: “That doesn’t make it any better. And I’m also mad that you didn’t wear your mullet hunting. If you’re going to go hunting you might as well make it as white trash as possible.

Ben: “Fine. I understand why you’re pissed, but does it help that I went to a vegan restaurant for breakfast today?

Sarah: “No.”

Ben: “You can’t be mad anymore otherwise I ate fake meat for nothing, and then I’ll be the pissed off one.”

Sarah: “Are you going to Uncle Cabbage Patch’s party tomorrow?”

Ben: “Nope. I’m out of town for the weekend.”

Sarah: “Liar. You’re coming, I’ll pick you up.”

Ben: “Sarah, seriously, I’ll be in Delta.”

Sarah: “Doing what?”

Ben: “Walking around in a field carrying a gun that I’ll never shoot. It’s hunting.”

Sarah: “Oh, I sorta forgot that existed. Why exactly are you doing this?”

Ben: “I’m getting in touch with my masculine side.”

Sarah: “You could do that here you know. Just drink too much and bang some slut you’re never going to call again.”

Sarah: “What are you doing?”

Ben: “Watching Sports Center in celebration of Eminem’s birthday.”

Sarah: “Since when is white rapping considered a sport?”

Ben: “It’s not, but you asked what I was doing.”

Sarah: “How are we even related?”

Ben: “Well, our mother and father had sex five times and we were two of the results.”

Sarah: “Thanks for clearing that up. I’m going to hang up now.”

Ben: “I think that’s best.”

Ben: “I figured out what tattoo to get if I ever decide to get one.”

Sarah: “Hitler in Chinese?”

Ben: “NO! I’m not letting Hitler anywhere near me. I want a banjo tattoo.”

Sarah: “Ben, you do realize tattoos are permanent, right?”

Ben: “Duh. Anyway, I want the banjo to start on my stomach and wrap across my ribs and have it end on my back.”

Sarah: “No.”

Ben: “What about on my leg?”

Sarah: “No.”

Ben: “Fine, I’ll go with my second choice. On my back I want a poker table scene with Fidel Castro playing poker with Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash.”

Sarah: “Is Willie going to be playing a banjo?”

Ben: “Of course, but if I ever get rid of the mullet I’ll have to get it removed.”

Sarah: “I’m hanging up now and going to sleep. Don’t call me back. Ever.”