Tales of Wit and Charm…

After years and years of excuses I’m finally going to learn to snowboard this weekend. As an ex-instructor Mrs. AK has happily agreed to teach me. Being married to AK has given her enough patience that I feel comfortable with her having the patience it will take to teach a klutz like me. Plus she promised we could drink wine afterwards.

I’m still planning on being very allergic to snow, and the cold. Which is why Mrs. AK carefully chose the warmest weekend possible to go. She knows me well.

Why this year? Truthfully I’ve run out of valid excuses.

1994-2000 Too scared of heights to be bothered.
2001 Too cheap to spend the money.
2002 Busy finding excuses to avoid the Olympics
2003 Washing my hair. All Winter long!
2004 Sundance.
2005 Kidney stones for Christmas and a new relationship kept me too busy.
2006 The great ear infection of ’06 was enough of an excuse.
2007 Not working and couldn’t justify spending the money.

My goal is zero injuries. Wish me luck! I’ll most certainly need it.

Sarah: “Hey, I’m going to meet the punk rock kids at the bar to watch the Patriots game. Do you want to come?”

Ben: “I can’t, I’m watching Silence of the Lambs and the game here.”

Sarah: “Um, why?”

Ben: “I’m comparing the two. Hannibal Lecter and the Patriots have lots in common. Hannibal likes to tease his victims and take his time, just like the Patriots.”

Sarah: “I’ll never understand why girls like you. I know you’re a cool guy, but you probably come off as the skin-suit kind of guy.”

Ben: “Chicks dig the mullet.”

Last night was cheap beer night at the Grizzlies Game. So we all went. I was late getting there since I have a Tuesday night Math class, but I arrived just in time to hear Ben arguing with the beer vendor.

Beer Vendor: “You can either get a 10 oz. beer for one dollar, or a 32 oz. beer for four dollars. But I recommend you get the larger beer. It’s a better deal.”

Ben: “Actually that’s not true. If I get the small beer I save 2.5 cents per ounce. Trust me, I did the math before I got here.”

BV: “But the 32 oz beer is larger therefore you have more beer.”

Ben: “Yes, but that’s not the point, the point is to save money on beer. That’s the whole idea behind cheap beer night. I can buy a large beer at four dollars or four small beers at four dollars. Same amount of money but 8 oz less, which makes zero sense.”

At that point the beer vendor stopped talking to him and poured the beers. I guess math really is used in every day life, and here I thought it was a waste of my time.

I have the Sox game playing in the background while I’m writing a paper, but I don’t need to pay attention because Aimee made cookies. I did my part and ate six yesterday, so it’s a guaranteed win!

My dad once accused me of being a fair-weathered Ute fan. I denied it, but he’s absolutely right. After attending yesterday’s game in the snow I came home and vowed never again. From now on, I’ll be watching from the comfort of my home, or a well-stocked bar.

It was fun-ish, but I discovered I’m not pretty when I’m miserable and I don’t like that one bit. Thanks to the boy who put up with my whining and let us sneak out early as hypothermia prevention. I promise I’m not mad you tried to kill me, but you still owe me a dry adventure.