Tales of Wit and Charm…

When I saw these sweats on a fashion blog I read, I just knew I had to have them. Finally something to make me feel like there’s a purpose behind the lull in my sex life!

Yeah, I’m not dating the younger guy anymore, but since we’re friends and he reads this blog that’s all I’m going to say. While I won’t write about it, I’m more than happy to explain through interruptive dance for those interested.

Back to the abstinence sweats…

I tried to get Rlo to drive me and Maddie to Kmart on Friday, but he was disgusted with me for even asking. Yet that didn’t stop him from calling the store two seconds later to see if they were still open. He claims the store phone number wasn’t on his speed dial, but really how else could he have called so quickly? His disgust with Kmart may have been a little more convincing had he not told me he was saving himself for Martha Stewart earlier that evening.

Dear Utah Residents,

I’m extremely sorry for yesterday’s snowy weather. While I don’t normally control the weather I did offer a prayer to baby Jesus for miserable weather to get out of playing kickball. But that damn baby Jesus showed me a thing or two by providing sunny weather by game time.

Like I said, I’m very sorry and will never pray again. Ever. Unless I see some amazing new jeans that I can’t live without, in which case I’ll throw myself on the department store floor begging and praying for a sale. But otherwise consider me prayer free!

Love,
Sarah

1) Just because it tastes good in a restaurant doesn’t necessarily mean it will taste good at home unless you actually know how to cook. I don’t.

2) Reusable grocery bags are useless when left in the car. They are however, handy for helping to carry groceries inside the house.

3) Childless grown men milling around the Easter Bunny at the mall are just plain creepy. Avoid at all costs, or get their phone number for Maddie.

I found my Victoria’s Secret swimsuit catalog on the ground in the snow, rather than in my locked mailbox. I suspect my postal carrier is just as disgusted about delivering this particular seasonal catalog in a snowstorm, as I am about receiving it. I think it’s safe to assume my postal carrier is a woman.

I love Apple products, but absolutely detest The Apple Store. So much in fact, I drive clear out to the ‘burbs to visit ExperCom whenever I need help.

A couple weeks ago Maddie and I were shopping at Gateway and decided (after much pleading on her part) to go inside so she could get a laptop case. Since I was already there and had to wait in line with her, I figured I might as well pick up a much needed pink sleeve for my iBook.

I got home and found it was the wrong size. Which was sort of annoying since the salesperson helping me had looked up the exact dimensions of my computer and recommended that size. But whatever, I knew Marky and I would be down there the next day so returning it would be no big deal. And it wasn’t, I walked in and traded for what I was promised would be the perfect fit for my treasured Stella James.

Again, I got home and it was the wrong size… still way too big, and isn’t the point for the padded sleeve to be snug? When Ben and I went to see a movie a few days later we stopped to return it. While processing the return I asked the salesperson what it would take to get a sleeve that fit my computer. He looked at me and said, “You have to buy a new computer.” I laughed, but quickly realized he wasn’t kidding. “So you’re telling me I have to spend $2,000 to get a $30 sleeve to fit?” “Exactly,” he said. I wanted to tell him how ridiculous he was, but by this time Ben was getting the worried “My sister is going to FREAK OUT” face, so I let it go.

Since I refuse to buy a new computer it looks like I’ll be sleeveless this winter season.

It’s no surprise I buy something I don’t need if it’s pink. I have more pink shoes than any sane person needs. My apartment looks like someone threw up Pepto-bismol all over it. My family thinks I’ll grow out of my pink phase, but they also thought I’d grow out of my baby blanket phase… which I haven’t.

Today, while at Costco, buying soy beans I saw something I’ll never use, but convinced myself I needed.I easily justified the purchase. After all, how would I use my cute new pan without a cookbook? Exactly! Now all I need is the pink KitchenAid mixer.

October is the very best time of year for pink shopping. I love breast cancer! And yes, I know the karmic reaction coming my way.