Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

This semester I’ve learned that casual relationships and causal relationships are not the same thing. Typos are my bitch. I’ve also learned that under stress numbers sorta look the same.

For example, over the weekend I decided to run my DARS report to make sure I was on target to graduate in December. In the report I read that I still needed 16 credits. Do you see that anywhere in this report?

Yeah, I didn’t think so. Congratulate yourself on being smarter than I am.

In a panic I sent numerous emails and left voice mails for my adviser. I went on and on about how my sanity and bank account couldn’t handle another semester. I begged her to help me find a solution. I may or may not have been crying in two of the voice mails. Sure it’s only one class and not the end of the world, but I’m just ready to be done.

She emailed me back today to let me know what you guys already know: I’m bad with details. I have everything I need to graduate in December, EXCEPT my application for graduation that was due in June.

Thank God for late fees people. Seriously.

As usual school is kicking my ass. I’m struggling to balance work, school and personal hygiene. This morning I was in such a rush to leave the house that I didn’t brush my teeth. Shut up. That’s why Baby Jesus invented gum.

I realized my transgression halfway through my first class. While rummaging through my purse for gum I felt something that didn’t belong. Much to the surprise of my classmates I pulled out a giant cucumber.

Rather than explain it was from my mother’s garden and going to be my lunch I just kept my mouth shut. I knew I’d somehow end up talking about tossing a salad, AND there’s just no recovery from that. So instead I threw the cucumber back into my purse, unwrapped a piece of gum and continued taking notes because that’s the kind of Monday I’ve had.

The University of Utah is a dry campus so this is as close to a bar as I’ll be getting. Insert sigh, loud wail, and pouting here.

I’m four classes away from my college degree and all I can think about is my graduation party. This thing had better be amazing since it was DECADES in the making. Now, I just need to find some sucker to plan it, because I’ll be far too busy trying to pass Mass Comm Law, well, and admiring my back-to-school outfit.

Seriously, how cute is that pink shirt? It made my day so much better!

For the sake of comparison, here’s my first back-to-school school outfit ever:

It’s not pink, but it’s Bert and Ernie, bitches. I love those guys. Still.

Speaking of which, does anyone know where to find a pair of adult sized Ernie socks?

No. I’m not kidding.

Inside my head I picture a Mormon Jello salad with a lovely whipped topping where my brain once was. This semester left me without one. Thankfully I only have one semester left.

In an effort to recharge I’m headed to a friend’s cabin for some much needed down time.

I’m going to get in touch with my country girl roots and do some hiking and drinking. Probably at the same time, which makes me really happy that my phone has GPS. I can barely survive day-to-day live without getting hurt so the chances of mountain survival without incident are low. I cannot wait to tell you the stories when I get back… if I get back, that is. If I don’t I’m going to haunt all your asses for ignoring my SOS messages on Twitter.