Tales of Wit and Charm…

I am not a morning person. This is a well-known fact among my friends and previous bosses. I cannot function properly until after ten. This sucks for any of the clients I do work for, but…

I’ve tried everything: going to bed earlier, tripling my morning dose of coffee, massive does of morning meth and still nothing works.

Over the past year I’ve started turning into my mother by forgetting things right and left. Mornings are by far the worst time for remembering any details. I’m not talking about complicated details, just the basic essential items…like getting dressed. I’ve left the house and headed to the office in slippers multiple times in the last few months. Luckily it’s been cold so I’ve remembered pants–no one wants a frozen hiney.

As I’ve mentioned here and here, I’ve started leaving myself reminder notes on my front door to ensure some things aren’t forgotten. Today’s is by far the worst of the bunch: If I have to remind myself why I’m leaving the house it might be time to admit defeat and just stay home.

I had a math test last night. In a frantic rush to get out the door I didn’t take the time to look for my cute Hello Kitty pencil Mrs. Ak brought me from Japan, instead just grabbed the first pencil in my junk drawer. I tossed it and a calculator into my bag and was off.

It wasn’t until half way through the test when I needed to erase something that I noticed the penis pencil topper. I’m not in the habit of adding extra male anatomy to already semi-phallic items–this was all Quinn-diesel’s doing. Last year when he spruced my my pen and pencil jar I laughed and shoved in in a drawer, forgetting about it until today.

As silly as I felt I still scored my highest thus far. Now the debate begins: do I take my good luck pencil back next week, or pass the good luck on and stash it in a co-workers office?

I’ve been hesitant to blog about going back to school. Perhaps I’m embarrassed I never took my education seriously in the past. Whatever the reason, I’m going to have to get over it, and quick. The awesome fodder is totally worth it!

Did you know its okay to make out in class now? Maybe it always was, and I just didn’t attend enough to notice. In one of my classes there’s a couple who sit in the back and give each other back rubs the entire class period. And no, I am not attending BYU. By the end of the first week the back rubs had moved into kissing. I cannot wait to see what they’re up to by the end of the semester. In class conception?

Male Classmate: “So, how old are you?”

Me: “Thirty-one.”

MC:”Well you don’t totally look 31.”

A very pissed off me: “Umm, thanks?”

after my bitchy encounter with a fellow student last week, i wanted to make an attempt to be nice to him in class last night.

so, when i noticed his new haircut i felt it was important to let him know it was time to fire his hairstylist.

he was quick to point out he was making good on a bet with an eight year-old cancer patient.

once again, i’m the bad guy, but at least the bad guy has cute shoes!