Tales of Wit and Charm…

Last night was BFF night at the AK household. After dinner Rlo and I put Little AK to bed. When the story was finished Rlo went back downstairs. I continued to lie next her for a few more minutes.

While rubbing my back Little AK asked, “Sarah, will you come back and play tomorrow?” “I don’t know sweetie. Keep rubbing my back while I decide.” She continued to rub and asked, “Can Rlo come too? It’s Fathers Day tomorrow… is Rlo a father?” “No, Rlo is our BFF, but he’s not a daddy,” I replied. I could see the confusion in her little eyes when she said, “But Sarah, you always say that Rlo has a Baby Jesus.”

I stifled a giggle and tried to answer her as best I could, “Rlo does have a Baby Jesus, but he’s not a real person.” She looked even more confused than before, and knowing that I’ve done enough damage with the Jesus factor lately, so I wasn’t about to try and clarify. “Honey, I’m going to give you a big hug and kiss, and then go get Rlo so he explain.”

And that’s exactly what I did. Rlo cleans up all my other life messes; why not let him take on this one?

Me: Why is there a bunch of bike blogs linking to me? Did you have something to do with this?

Rlo: It’s a grass roots movement. They all want their balls less than one layer away from you at all times.

Me: Um….

Rlo: They have a non-profit too, “Balls without Boundaries.” You should totally donate. It’s a worthy cause

Me: What are my donations used for?

Rlo: Half goes to designing more breathable pants and underwear. The other half goes towards developing more ball friendly razors.

Me: Hold please. I need to barf before we continue.

When I saw these sweats on a fashion blog I read, I just knew I had to have them. Finally something to make me feel like there’s a purpose behind the lull in my sex life!

Yeah, I’m not dating the younger guy anymore, but since we’re friends and he reads this blog that’s all I’m going to say. While I won’t write about it, I’m more than happy to explain through interruptive dance for those interested.

Back to the abstinence sweats…

I tried to get Rlo to drive me and Maddie to Kmart on Friday, but he was disgusted with me for even asking. Yet that didn’t stop him from calling the store two seconds later to see if they were still open. He claims the store phone number wasn’t on his speed dial, but really how else could he have called so quickly? His disgust with Kmart may have been a little more convincing had he not told me he was saving himself for Martha Stewart earlier that evening.

Yesterday while lunching with Rlo and Milinda at Red Rock a man walked by our table and snapped his fingers at Rlo. I was stunned. I thought I was the only one allowed to snap at Rlo. It turns out they knew each other from a previous life–one where Rlo worked at a gym, or worked out at a gym. I’m a bit foggy on the details because my wine was so very tasty, but I do remember the word gym being uttered repeatedly. I think I picked up on it purely out of guilt– they were discussing exercise as I stole fries from Rlo’s plate.

When Rlo introduced us the guy mentioned I looked very familiar to him. I hate this. I think peoples sometimes recognize me from the column but can’t place how they know me. I gave him my standard reply, “I get around. A lot.” He looked taken aback and gave me a half laugh. Whatevs. I think it’s funny, FUNNY BECAUSE IT’S TRUE! In fact, I’m quite sure that’s what my mom writes about me in her Christmas newsletter: Sarah gets around and she’s STILL in college. We love her anyway.

To read this week’s column go here.  To see a few of the pictures from the party go here.

To read my column this week click here. When you finish please pray to whatever god you believe in, that I may be blessed with extraordinary kickball skills by six o’clock tonight. Otherwise, pray I don’t punch anyone who makes fun of me in the face.