Tales of Wit and Charm…

I saw them again today at the bus stop. Once again my heart melted, which is good because it proves I had a heart in the first place.

I’ve always fancied myself a single gal.  I’m not a relationship person. I’ve had a series of one to two month relationships, in which I get bored, or am unable to make an attachment to the man and I simply move on.  Sure I’ve had “real” boyfriends, but without going into great detail IT NEVER WORKS OUT!

It’s entirely possible I have a distorted view of relationships.  My parents have been married for 33 years.  Are they happy?  I have no idea. I haven’t seen them kiss or hug one another in years. They’re most certainly happy enough.  But I don’t want happy enough.

And my friends?

My married girlfriends bitch about their husbands; my married male friends bitch about their wives.  I can’t think of one happily married couple.  I can think of plenty of semi-happily married couples. Is bitching about your partner part of a happy marriage?  I DON’T KNOW! See why my views on the institution of marriage are slightly dismal?

But then yesterday I saw something that shook me to the core.  I saw an elderly couple kissing one another at the bus stop.  The kiss itself wasn’t shocking.  It was quite possibly the sweetest thing I’ve ever witnessed.  I felt like I was intruding on a private moment and that I should look away.  But I didn’t.  I sat and stared.  The light turned green, but I didn’t drive away. The light turned yellow and still I didn’t move.  Multiple cars were honking at me, but I was frozen.  Frozen in someone else’s moment.  Finally they looked up to see what the commotion was.  At that point I regained composure and quickly drove away.

I thought I’d never say this, but I want that.  I want relationship longevity.  I want to still, at the ripe old age of ninety, love a man enough to kiss him in broad daylight on a busy downtown street, and not care about who is watching.

Fuck.

My internet-hooker friend George came to visit over the weekend, I tried my best to rally and spend some quality time drinking with him at the bar.

Sadly, my “best” is total crap. His last night in town was spent at Red Rock having dinner with a couple of my girlfriends. I wanted to be home and in bed by 10:30 p.m. because apparently I have turned into my grandmother.

As we walked into the restaurant I saw a guy I briefly dated having dinner. I haven’t seen him since I told him via email I didn’t think we should date anymore. Yes, I really AM that girl. Shut up, I had my reasons. And good ones at that, for example he likes NASCAR, which we all know I strongly detest. In addition, he had a tendency to use words on my ‘do not say’ list. The two I couldn’t deal with were: “LOL” and “faggot.” Both words make me cringe to the point of nausea. I tried to get past it, but I couldn’t. The thought of sticking my tongue into a mouth that used either word was more than I could handle.

I know what some of you are thinking, “No wonder she is single, she’s way too picky.” Well guess what, I am picky and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I refuse to date someone I don’t respect and I can’t respect anyone who uses the “f” word in regular speak. I just can’t, no matter how much fun and nice the person is.

We enjoyed our dinner and I tried not to obsess over it, but I couldn’t help but wonder why I bother dating at all.

Last summer I found myself dating two men I deeply cared about: Captain America and The Adult. When each relationship ended we promised to stay friends. I know it rarely works, but I had high hopes. Both men were really great guys, or so I thought.

When a storm left my apt. without power for two days I asked The Adult if I could crash with him. I didn’t think it was big deal. After all that we’ve been through we remain friends. I guess his idea of friendship is far different than mine. When my friends need me I do everything I can to help–just ask Midge. I was shocked when he told me no. Ak and Mrs. Ak didn’t have power either, Ben was MIA and I really didn’t want to drive clear to the burbs to crash with Uncle Cabbage Patch (who I don’t think even had an extra bed set up yet). He said it was a bad night for him and maybe another time. Funny, but I can’t really plan power outages around his schedule. I couldn’t believe he was leaving me hanging yet again. This is quickly turning into his new and far from improved personality, and I’m quickly learning he isn’t such a great guy at all.

Last Sunday’s snuff from Capt. America was surprising, but when it happened again I found myself really hurt. In Utah This Week had a booth at the Avenues street fair yesterday, as Daisy and I were walking through the crowd I saw him and his girlfriend. He looked at me and then Daisy and turned around without saying a word. How do you not even say hello to someone you once claimed to love? I was livid. So I sent him a text message letting him know of all the men I’ve dated, I’d never expect him to end up being that guy. He left a voice mail in apology but it doesn’t matter. Twice in one week… the damage is done.