Warm Vibrations

Blogged under friends, mom, neighbors on Saturday 15 December 2007 at 10:31 am

Jess had the girls over last night for a PJ party. Over dessert we discussed sex toys. The conversation was much like the one every man imagines, only we didn’t have a pillow fight in our panties afterwards.

I regaled the girls with a story of my mother and her body massager from The Sharper Image. Everyone knows those massager’s aren’t intended for use on your back. I tried explaining this to my mom, but she wouldn’t listen. One weekend when both Ben and I were home my mom’s neighbor and her young daughter came over to visit. 

We were sitting around talking when I noticed the little girl had picked up the alleged vibrator and started massaging her feet.  It didn’t take long before I heard some weird noises coming from her.  We all looked over to see she’s moved from her feet to her crotch.  I asked her why she was rubbing herself there and was told,  ”It just feels best there.”  I looked over at my mom and said, “See!  Even a three-year-old knows it’s a vibrator!”

My mom admitted I was right, and started calling it her vibrator, but still left it in the front room anyway.  Which makes for VERY awkward moments when she looks at Ben and asks him to bring her the vibrator every time her neck hurts.  And people wonder why Ben is so weird…

neighborhood watch

Blogged under neighbors, sarah-ness on Thursday 31 May 2007 at 2:38 pm

i’m an upstairs neighbor. i try really hard to be conscience of this, and keep the tap dancing with circus midgets to a minimum.

last night i saw my downstairs neighbor when i was out with daisy. i asked her if she hears any weird noises from my apartment at night. she looks at me sorta wide-eyed and just nods her head no. i replied, “cool” and walked back upstairs. i figured she was just embarrased i caught her sneaking a smoke and didn’t think anything of her somewhat odd response.

it didn’t dawn on me until a couple hours later she probably didn’t think think i was talking about my noisy elliptical machine, but something more along the lines of virgin sacrifices or crazy sex.

i think it’s best to just avoid her for a few days. i have a feeling if i try and explain it’s only going to get worse. sigh…