Tales of Wit and Charm…

Driving into work today I accidentally had my iPod gangsta mix playing. Don’t judge me! Actually you can, I certainly would.

My phone rang and I hit speaker and answered it assuming it would be my brother bugging me about his latest prison tool obsession. It wasn’t. It was a client. Which is cool, I’m all for the clients I like calling me. Though, I have a feeling she may have a difficult time taking me serious after hearing “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta” blaring in the background.

Oh well, such is life… you can’t win them all.

It was a rough night last night. It started when I couldn’t drive up my brother’s semi-steep driveway due to massive amounts of snow, immediately followed with forgetting the garage code.

When we finally got into the house the alarm went off. I couldn’t get it to stop and Carter immediately started to cry. Followed by Hannah yelling because Carter wouldn’t stop crying. Ten very loud minutes later I convinced the alarm company I wasn’t there to harm the children, because if so, I would have DONE IT ALREADY!

I knew there was only one thing that would cheer the little buggers up: “Baby Got Back.”

And it so, so did:
The fact the kids now know the word horny guarantees I’ll never be asked to stay overnight with the kids again. It was totally worth it.

Bret Michaels is coming for me! Or Arlo. Either way… awesome!

Working full-time, going to school full-time and making time to watch Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood doesn’t leave me with a whole lot of free time. Fitting in daily tasks such as grocery shopping, sleeping and working out has been a challenge.

Yesterday, while lunching with a co-worker, we decided to try and fit in a liquor store run. The weekend is nearly upon us and I was completely out of wine. Unacceptable. The trip was a complete success; my favorite Shiraz was on sale. Getting into his car to head back to work I heard my mother’s nagging “Buckle-up, Sarah, safety first.” So I did.

A couple of blocks from the office a SUV next to us forgot to check lanes before moving over. (Is it really that difficult?) The vehicle nearly hit us and it was that moment I realized I’d buckled the wrong seat belt.

I love this post!

It reminds me of the great Hillary Duff incident of ’06.

I was standing in line when the woman behind me commented on my Hillary ‘08 shirt, “Oh My God, I loooooove Hillary Duff. She’s coming in ’08? That’s so exciting!”

Had she been a kid I’d have gone along with her, but she was a middle-aged woman. She should have known better. “No, this is a Hillary Clinton shirt. You know the Hillary who isn’t twelve?”

I could have been nicer, I guess, but I was just annoyed since that encounter wasn’t the first. In hindsight, I should have just bought the Duff shirt and been done with it.

veryGEORGE! is very bossy. After much prodding on his part I’m finally posting the top songs I’d dry hump to. To read his rules and post go here. I’ve never been one to keep rules and I’m certainly not going to start now. Since I’ve not been a teenager in a very long time and I sincerely doubt I’ve ever dry humped as much as George so I’m only posting ten songs.

Sade–Smooth Operator
How I spent 1996. Enough said.
Guns N’ Roses–November Rain
I was sixteen and horny once. In fact, I’m positive this was the song I made out to on multiple occasions in the eleventh grade. Ahhh, the good old days.
Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam
Come on, admit it… we’ve all had the hots for the Mormon Jesus. Those blue eyes and beautiful blond locks.
Mazzy Star–Fade Into You
Find me someone that doesn’t think naughty thoughts during this song and I’ll do my best to change that.
I Hope They Call Me on Mission
Clean cut guys in suits are hot. I did my part in corrupting a few over the years.
Ben Folds Five–The Luckiest
I’ve always loved this song. And fondly remember trying to get my Mormon boyfriend to have sex while listening. I lost.
Heather Nova–Blood of Me
She’s totally girl crush hot AND says the fuck word sexier than any female singer alive.
Journey–Faithfully
I don’t care that George already used this one. It just breeds teenage humping. I’m pretty sure it was responsible for the great hickey incident of 1993.
Al Green–I’m Still in Love With You
Do I really need to explain this one? Total hump music.
The Sundays–Wild Horses
Sexy, sexy, SEXY!

You’ll notice there isn’t any recent music on this list because since last year’s dry hump incident I’ve sworn off of it.