Tales of Wit and Charm…

Read this week’s column for In Utah This Week here.  I was lazy with the camera that night, but here are the few pictures that we took. I was far too busy watching the hippies in front of me drop acid and then immediately pass out.

I did appreciate the medics telling them,”If possible try and slow down on your drinking for the remainder of the night.”  This is why I am not in the heath care industry.  I would have said, “Stupid fucking kids, what did you expect would happen? Now if possible, GO HOME AND WASH YOUR HAIR!”  This is where I slightly differ from a caring individual.

Maddie and I went to see “Sex and the City” for a second time over the weekend at Brewvies.  Of course we stopped by the sex store afterward.  Of course we picked up a present for Rlo.  Of course I forgot to take said present out of my bag.  And finally, of course, I pulled it out of my bag in the middle of math class while rooting around for a pencil.

Luckily it was just this:

But still, slightly embarrassing.

To read my column about attending Utah’s Pride weekend go here. To see the pictures go here. A big thanks to AK who came WILLINGLY and photographed the event. He’s a good friend to have, unless he’s talking incessantly about biking then I’d trade him to someone for a slice of chocolate cake.

I saw this yesterday and it made my day! Thanks to Nina Garin at The San Diego Union-Tribune! Being called the Carrie Bradshaw with a foul mouth is possibly the best thing ever. And sooooo true.

When I saw these sweats on a fashion blog I read, I just knew I had to have them. Finally something to make me feel like there’s a purpose behind the lull in my sex life!

Yeah, I’m not dating the younger guy anymore, but since we’re friends and he reads this blog that’s all I’m going to say. While I won’t write about it, I’m more than happy to explain through interruptive dance for those interested.

Back to the abstinence sweats…

I tried to get Rlo to drive me and Maddie to Kmart on Friday, but he was disgusted with me for even asking. Yet that didn’t stop him from calling the store two seconds later to see if they were still open. He claims the store phone number wasn’t on his speed dial, but really how else could he have called so quickly? His disgust with Kmart may have been a little more convincing had he not told me he was saving himself for Martha Stewart earlier that evening.

The apartment I rent is currently being reroofed. It’s been a nightmare since day one when the roofers accidentally punched a hole in my bedroom ceiling. It’s definitely made for an interesting week.

My friend Maddie was in my living room changing her clothes when she noticed a man on my balcony. This was disconcerting for so many reasons, but number one being that he wasn’t watching her change. If there’s going to be a strange man standing on my balcony I want him there because he’s peeking in my windows and thinking to himself, “Damn that lady looks hot for 32!”

The noise level has driven my neurotic dog under my bed in an attempt to muffle the noise level. Last night, when trying to coax her out, I noticed she’s been hoarding items under my bed for safekeeping. The stuffed animals and dog bones I understood, but the roof shingles, rusty nails and gum wrappers didn’t make a whole lot of sense. I’m a tad curious to see what other objects the valley winds may blow into my bedroom before the hole is fixed. I’m hoping for a sexy man who cleans bathrooms and pours wine, but I’m worried the only man who could fit through the hole would be Dennis Kucinich. And as much as I love a Democrat in my bedroom, I’d have to pass.

1) Just because it tastes good in a restaurant doesn’t necessarily mean it will taste good at home unless you actually know how to cook. I don’t.

2) Reusable grocery bags are useless when left in the car. They are however, handy for helping to carry groceries inside the house.

3) Childless grown men milling around the Easter Bunny at the mall are just plain creepy. Avoid at all costs, or get their phone number for Maddie.