Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

To read the online version of “That’s What She Said” go here. To download the PDF go here.

The column is all about going to the MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice concert last week. You should be jealous. Everyone should see a grown man sing “Ninja Rap” at some point.

When I was telling RLO my crush had taken me to the Grace Potter concert Saturday night he wasn’t as impressed as he should have been.

Probably because that he had no idea who she was. It could also have been that I may have mentioned that because I wanted to have babies with her hot guitarist I was going to need to borrow his brother for sex.

This request is perfectly logical. RLO’s brother looks exactly like Richie Tenenbaum.  The hot guitarist also looks like Richie Tenenbaum so it makes perfect sense that I have babies with RLO’s brother, rather than the guitarist who is on the road too much.

As usual, RLO ignored most of what I said and asked me to play a song for him.  I played “Ah Mary” and quoted the first part of the song to him:

She’s skilled at the art of deception and she knows it
She’s got dirty money that she plays with all the time
She waters the garden but maybe she just likes the hoses
She puts herself just a notch above human kind

Ater listening he said, “So do you like her because she’s a good musician, or because she reads your diary?”

RLO is such a bitch, which explains why I absolutely adore him.

This week’s installment of “That’s What She Said.”  It’s all about NKOTB, yes, as a matter of fact I can feel your excitement through the computer. Which means I can also hear you singing the “Click Click Click” lyrics, and let me say dear readers, I’ve never been so proud!

After all these years my crush/true love Jonathan Knight still has the right stuff. No really, just look at his sexy dance moves. Hubba hubba.  To read abut the actual concert you’ll have to wait until Thursday when my column comes out.  But in other crush news, I have one, and it’s good.

Remember the Metallica birthday tickets?  Yeah, the concert rocked… LOUDLY!  Read about it in this week’s “That’s What She Said.”

Last night, just as I was walking up the last flight of stairs for my math class, I received a test message from Summer asking if I wanted to play hooky and go the the Jason Mraz concert with her.

I should add that Summer, too, was supposed to be in math class.  I should also add that I don’t even listen to Mraz. I only know who he is because one of his song titles has the word pink in it.  See, random Google searches for containing the words “pink” and “song” are beneficial!

When she mentioned the tickets were in a suite that would likely be catered I turned around and walked back to my car, leaving my education behind.  FOR MUSIC I DON’T EVEN LIKE! No wonder I’m still working on my bachelor’s degree at 32.

When I fail college algebra I only have myself to blame.  Well, and Kelli, because she wouldn’t fly out here twice a week and take the damn class for me.  What a bitch that girl is.

The best part of the night was not the concert—we left after two songs—but seeing this on the door of the E-Center:

(Insert high pitch squeals here.)