Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

The Utah/BYU rivalry runs deep in my family. My mom graduated from BYU, while my dad is University of Utah alumni. Needless to say college football season makes for a very tense household at the Nielson residence.

My brothers and I inherited my dad’s love of the University of Utah. I guess we know a good thing when we see it. My nephew, Carter, however doesn’t. Yesterday on our drive to the country I was trying to entertain him by pointing out silly buildings.

“Look, Buddy, Utah Rocks.”

“No, Aunt Sarah, it doesn’t. BYU does.”

“Um… I was just pointing out the rock gift shop, not college teams, but Utah does rock. That’s where I go.”

“Pfff…”

My darling grandmother just had her 80th birthday. To celebrate we went to the country for a picnic in the park. I drove with my brother, Matt, and his kids. When Matt ran into a gas station for a drink I quizzed Carter to see if he remembered how to tell ‘your mom’ jokes. The last time didn’t go so well, but now I think he’s getting the hang of it:

Teaching five-year-olds the art of ‘your mom’ jokes is not an easy undertaking. I wouldn’t suggest doing it sober. After I explained to my nephew, Carter, how to properly make one, we had a practice session. IT DID NOT GO WELL!

Carter: “You’re silly.”

Me: “Your mom is silly.”

Carter: “She is really, really silly. I love her.”

Me: “Buddy that’s now how it works. Let’s try it again.”

Carter: “You smell like diapers.”

Me: “Your mom smells like diapers.

Carter: “NO SHE DOESN’T! She smells pretty. You smell pretty too Aunt Sarah. Like cookies.”

I gave up and told him we’d try again when he was older, and maybe then he would understand. His twin sister Hannah got upset and said,  “Aunt Sarah I get it, but I’m older by three whole minutes so I’m smarter.” To which I replied, “No Hannah you’re smarter because you’re a girl.”

I feel like honestly is always the best policy, especially with young and impressionable children.

I’m thankful for a brother who is teaching his son how to throw down gang signs while riding around on my little pink scooter.  I’m also thankful for the people who didn’t point and laugh at them like I did.

I’m also thankful for the rest of my crazy family.  Without them, I’d be sane.  And really who wants sanity?  I sure as hell don’t!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  Enjoy the time spent with your family, also eat pie for me since I’m off sugar and stuck flying today.  Please note: I hate pumpkin, cherry and apple pies.  I like pecan and berry pies–warmed with vanilla ice cream.

My niece and nephew’s mom emailed me to share this story:

Hannah took one of her many cell phones to school for show-n-tell.  In the car she decided it necessary to make some calls. Sarah being first on the list.  She started talking to you about how she was annoyed that I made her wear socks to school today vs. her flip-flops (she even rolled her eyes as I watched her through the rear-view mirror). Then she started telling you how pretty you are and how she wants to be pretty like you.  Then she said, “I know Sarah, I’m very pretty too.”    Carter stepped in and told me, “Actually, I think Aunt Sarah is pretty”.

Let me tell you, it couldn’t have come at a better time.  I’m currently having a fat week, an ugly week, a zit week and to top it all off a bad hair week.  Needless to say, I’m not feeling at all pretty this week.  Kids are as honest as they come so if they think I’m pretty I’m set.