Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

All dog owners talk to their dogs like they are human, right? Well I do. All the time, and sometimes Daisy talks back.

Me: I need a new masthead for my blog.

Daisy: Deal.

A big thanks to Alma for starting over the design work when I told her Daisy the Pug needed to be in the masthead. She didn’t once question my insanity. I love that.

If you’re reading this in feed reader you’ll want to click through and refresh. Trust me, it’s THAT cute.

A few weeks ago I wrote about how much I missed my Magic Date Ball, and because I have the best readers in the world this magically showed up in the mail today:

I immediately tested the ball out with a dating question. The answer was a very exciting, and a very glittery “Absolutely!” You’re going to have to figure out the question on your own though. I can’t be expected to do all the work around here.

Plus it’s embarrassing as hell.

And sweaty.

I just gave it away didn’t I?

Thanks again Jogurl. You’re the best!

I leave for BlogHer one month from today. I wasn’t stressed out until I wrote out my ‘to do’ list:

1) Lose ten pounds so no one has to see pictures of my ham arms all over the Internet and wonder why there weren’t Mormon funeral potatoes served with the ham.

2) Find someone to design a new blog header and business cards. This stresses me out beyond belief. Design work makes my brains explode, which would NOT make a cute design. Only zombie lovers like that shit.

3) Magically fix my dog’s rotten ass so I can find someone that will agree to watch her while I’m gone. No one will volunteer to keep a dog that can melt skin with her farts.

4) Figure out what clothing to pack. I don’t understand why pants are required in public. It would be a lot easier if I could wear my pajamas the entire weekend. Seriously, BlogHer planners, wouldn’t a giant girly sleepover party be more fun?

I’m only allowing myself to worry about four things. The rest will fall into place. And if it doesn’t? Well too bad. I’ve got school and work to stress about.

Here’s what I’ve done with my list so far:

1) Jillian Michaels is working my ass every single day but so far the only thing lost is my will to live.

2) I found someone who will design something I love, but she’ll also get it done quickly. Yay for Alma Loveland’s design work! Use her. Worship her. Do not send her chocolate. That you can send straight to my mouth. OK, so I think we figured out why I’m not losing weight.

3) I’ve only made Daisy’s ass worse by switching her food. If you live in the greater Salt Lake area and you smell something disgusting that is not the lake. That is Daisy. Sorry.

4) I had planned on wearing jeans and tee shirts the entire time, but I was lucky enough to find a clothing saint. Heather from Fawn Boutique has agreed to come pick through my closet and find just the right outfits to take. What she doesn’t know is all she’ll find is black shirts and jeans. I can’t wait to see what surprises she has in store. (Heather if you’re reading this please bring magic. You’re going to need it.)

Two out of four isn’t bad. I’m halfway through my list, people! I totally deserve a drink.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my giveaway. We didn’t get as many comments as last time, but I’m taking the blame. I didn’t pimp it out as much as I did before. I’ve been way too busy enjoying my freedom. That freedom, by the way, ends today. My classes start tomorrow… but you don’t want to hear about that, you’d rather hear who won. I don’t blame you!

The winners of the Eden Fantasy’s giveaway are:

Comment 381 was left by my friend Kelli, which feels so weird! Kelli is engaged to one of my dearest friends. It grosses me out to think she’d going to call me to tell me what she buys and then proceed to tell me all about using it. Pretty much I hate randomizer and want to barf.

Comment 118 was left by Bex. I’m thrilled she won because her comment was: “Sarah, you have pretty hair!” Apparently flattery really does get you everywhere.

Congrats girls! Enjoy your winnings.

I put pants on and went to Heather Armstrong’s book reading and signing event tonight. I really, REALLY wish this lady had followed my lead: