Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

I can’t fit into my jeans, but other than that today was a complete success. I was in charge of the potatoes again, thank God because there’s something freaky about fisting a dead bird. I love eating the stuffing, but not enough to stick my hand up there. No way.

The highlights of the day included AK looking up the bird’s ass, and Mrs. AK’s pornographic cranberries.

It was a damn good day, well maybe not for Arnold the Turkey, but the rest of us sure enjoyed it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Little AK may only be five-years-old, but she makes a hell of a bartender.

**In case you don’t speak kid: Appletini for RLO, wine for Cathy and pink wine for Sarah.

P.S. I don’t drink pink wine!! Ever. I’m a red wine kind of girl, but I didn’t want to correct a five-year-old.

Walking out to the car last night I looked at the long staircase ahead and asked, “RLO, I’m so tired, will you carry me down the stairs?”  “No, Sarah, but I’ll push you down the stairs.”

And that, Internet, is our relationship dynamic.  Always pushing one another down so we can help one another back up.  That’s the best I can do, because otherwise RLO is just plan mean.

Last night I went over to Mrs. AK’s house for a much needed BFF night.  It’s been a tough week.  School is kicking my ass, and a comment from a co-worker really got under my skin and pissed me off.

Needless to say, I needed my BFFs and a nice glass of wine.

Little AK was ecstatic to see me, and I was just as happy to see her.  I’ve been too busy for BFF night, and man have I missed my second family.

After hugging me for a good five minutes Little AK requested we play in the other room.  “Honey let me have a glass of wine first.  It makes me soooo much more fun to play with.”  She nodded understandably and followed me into the kitchen.

Thirty minutes of bossing RLO around and catching up with Mrs. AK, I turned around to find Little AK pointing her finger at my glass, “Sarah drink your wine right this very second.”  And you know what?  I did just that.  I think it’s important to let kids think that they are in charge on occasion.  So for good measure I drank two.

Last night I went to AK and Mrs. AK’s house for dinner and Project Runway/Project Keith reruns. Since RLO wasn’t there to complain I brought Daisy along. How anyone couldn’t love her is beyond me. It just proves he’s not as nice as you guys think.

Little C was thrilled Daisy was there. She dressed her up in the skirt she wore to see High School Musical and chased her around the kitchen with a handful of glitter. Daisy looked at me to save her but i ignored that pleading little puppy face. I wasn’t about to risk Little C wanting to chase me around the kitchen with glitter. I love the hell out of that little girl, but even I have my limits. NO GLITTER without Rlo.

Last night was BFF night at the AK household. After dinner Rlo and I put Little AK to bed. When the story was finished Rlo went back downstairs. I continued to lie next her for a few more minutes.

While rubbing my back Little AK asked, “Sarah, will you come back and play tomorrow?” “I don’t know sweetie. Keep rubbing my back while I decide.” She continued to rub and asked, “Can Rlo come too? It’s Fathers Day tomorrow… is Rlo a father?” “No, Rlo is our BFF, but he’s not a daddy,” I replied. I could see the confusion in her little eyes when she said, “But Sarah, you always say that Rlo has a Baby Jesus.”

I stifled a giggle and tried to answer her as best I could, “Rlo does have a Baby Jesus, but he’s not a real person.” She looked even more confused than before, and knowing that I’ve done enough damage with the Jesus factor lately, so I wasn’t about to try and clarify. “Honey, I’m going to give you a big hug and kiss, and then go get Rlo so he explain.”

And that’s exactly what I did. Rlo cleans up all my other life messes; why not let him take on this one?