Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

Last year my nephew, Carter, mastered the art of ‘your mom’ jokes. It was a little rough at first, but he eventually caught on. This year it’s his sister, Hannah’s, turn. We started last night.

“Hannah you’re a pug licker.”

“Oh.”

“Come on, Hannah, what do you say?”

“Thank you.”

“NO! You’re supposed to say your mom is a pug licker.”

“Well that’s just ridiculous. No one licks pugs and I was being polite.”

“Hannah, you don’t really have to lick pugs. It’s a hypothetical.”

“Grandma said you’re not allowed to teach me those anymore.”

“Well Grandma is fired. If I don’t teach you how to make dirty jokes and play the hypothetical game who will?”

“Your mom.”

DAMMIT. The six-year-old wins again.

Read about how my new commute brought Eminem and I back together in this week’s “That’s What She Said.”

I’ve spent the last couple of days looking at houses. I’ve only just started the process and know I have a long few months ahead of me, but who cares? I’m buying my own home and feeling a bit proud of myself for having the ability to do so.

I’ve worked hard to be independent.

Damn hard.

I never wanted to be one of those women whose life revolves around a man. The kind of girl who live in his house and let his paycheck buy my groceries. I’m better than that. I’m stronger than that.

Now before I get a bunch of hate mail, I’m not talking about married couples; things are different when you are married and have children. I’m not married and I don’t have children. So until then, the walls I paint will be my own walls, and there’s something wildly satisfying about that kind of independence.

It’s like a great bottle of wine, but with less calories and way more elitism.

Is it just me or is the new season of TV just blah? I guess I could just not watch TV, but then I’d have to make plans and wear pants. Unless, of course, I could make plans that don’t involve pants, but that would require dating… also just blah.

While I haven’t found a solution of the dating blahs, I have found a solution for the TV blahs; read my new “That’s What She Said” for said solutions.

Someday I’m going to cherish the extra time I’ve been spending with my niece and nephew, but currently I’m rolling my eyes and laughing at them a lot.

“Aunt Sarah your puppy reminds me of a boy.”

“She’s a girl.”

“I know that, duh. I said she REMINDS me of a boy.”

“OK, why does she remind you of a boy?”

“She sleeps all the time and brings slugs into the house.”

“Hannah, which boys do that?”

“All of them.”

“Have you been hanging out with my high school ex-boyfriends?”

“No. I don’t even know what an ex boyfriend is.”

“It’s the boys you don’t ever marry.”

“Oh, well I want a LOT of ex boyfriends.”

I don’t think she has anything to worry about. With her sassy personality I suspect she’ll have a lifetime supply of ex-boyfriends… just like her auntie.