Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

Yesterday I spend a significant amount of time looking at local classifieds for a pug puppy to bring home.

And then I came home to Daisy eating her own shit in the backyard.

After a considerable amount of dry heaving and a few tears later,  I took her into the house to clean her up. I put her in the tub and brushed the shit out of her teeth. Literally. I was still worried about her catching pink eye, athrax, cyptosporidioosis, anthrax, hantavirus and every other communicable disease imaginable, so I decided to use something that would kill bacteria.

Enter half a bottle of Lysol Disinfecting Wipes.

Enter a semi-reportable case of animal cruelty.

Poor, poor Daisy. SHIT EATING DAISY.

Afterward I felt guilty that I pretty much put bleach in her mouth so I gave her a treat and poured myself a glass of wine. Which I promptly set down in order to put the cleaning supplies away. In my STILL panicked state I accidentally set the glass where Daisy could reach it.

Um, yeah. I think I have a wino pug. I also think it’s safe to say we both deserved the wine buzz we got last night.

This week’s “That’s What She Said” is all about floating the river. I’m addicted. The only issue is it’s impossible to get a good tan.

My jort loving friend Jeremiah picked up some Two Buck Chuck for me when he was in Las Vegas over the weekend. I thought the favor was an act of kindness, but as it turns out it’s just another way for him to torture me.

Dick.

I suspect the “willing to negotiate” is code for a Hugh Grant movie marathon with a wine infused Sarah. I can live with that.

My niece, Hannah, is not made of sugar and spice, and everything nice. Nope. She is made of spunk and spice… thank god.

This week’s “That’s What She Said” is about the Ben Folds concert at Deer Valley.

All drunken shenanigans can be viewed here… until my mom calls and begs me to take them down.

A big thanks to the Utah Jesus for saving us seats!