Remember that huge line at the Apple store for the new iPhones? Remember me bitching about it on Twitter?
Well what you don’t remember is me telling you how I got my sexy new phone. I explain and apologize in this week’s “That’s What She Said.”
Dating men with kids is something I avoid. It’s not that I dislike kids, quite the opposite really. If the kid is clean I get attached relatively easily. Unless, of course, the kid wets the bed. I hate the smell of kid piss almost as much as cat piss.
Ew times ew.
Years ago I dated a man with two daughters and it almost killed me to walk away from them, but I had to. Their dad was a total douche. Somewhere out there, there’s still a pet goldfish in a freezer waiting for me to sew a burial dress, and I don’t even sew. I’m a horrible person, certainly, but at least I didn’t freeze a dead goldfish. Seriously… WHAT. A. DOUCHE.
After that relationship I swore off men with kids. It’s just too hard. I stuck by that rule until recently.
I’m 34-years-old and I live in Utah. It’s next to impossible to find someone without kids. In fact I think I’m the only person in the entire state that doesn’t have children. So I finally gave up and accepted the possibility of dating a family. GOD that sounds sooooo “Big Love.” For the record I am not into polygamy. Yet.
And then it happened.
I met someone great, and he has two medium sized girls. Shut-up, I’m not good with ages.
Or follow through, apparently.
I found this waiting for me at his house after I met the girls briefly:
Adorable right?
One issue… see that little part where it says to write back? I saw it. And then promptly forgot to write back. I’ve only just met them and I’m already failing. Maybe I should have a rule that I only date men who have pugs. That’s where I would shine.
“Sarah your hair is so curly today.”
“Yeah, I was going for a Molly Ringwald look with the hair and 80s style skirt.”
“But she has red hair.”
“Squint a little and pretend I do.”
“OK.”
“Did I pull if off? Do I look Molly?”
“Well, you mostly look like Sarah Nielson to me.”
Sometimes I forget that the only female fashion a nerd understands is Princes Leia.
Read this week’s column about how IN is trying to turn me into a hooker. Sigh…
The one time I leave my computer unlocked and go to lunch, I find this on my calendar:
AND a screen saver that’s likely illegal in 45 states. I’ll spare you the visual.
These nerds have no idea who they are messing with. I’m so gonna take their Star Wars action figures out of the box and place them in non-missionary sexual positions. Oh, the horror…
