Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

For the past few weeks I have been kidnapping small children on Sunday afternoons.

Without school to occupy ever second of every day I have spare time. IT’S SO WEIRD! I can’t commit to a new hobby quite yet, so instead I decided to help my cousin out by taking her seven-year-old and nine-year-old daughters for afternoon adventures.

Two weeks ago we compared belly fat and shopped for tween clothes at Justice.

Last week we saw “New Moon.” Yeah, I know, but kids love vampire porn. I don’t understand it either.

Yesterday they asked to go to the planetarium. I was concerned about the side effects of acid trips in small children, but apparently the planetarium has more than just Pink Floyd laser shows. Who knew?

There was, however, a giant display of acid trip rocks and a well-stocked concession stand. It’s like Disneyland for stoners.

I can’t wait to go back. I just need to develop a Betty Ford size drug habit, a dealer and a really big purse.