A Cubicle with a View
I think by now you’re starting to understand the awesome/weird that is my nerds. They make me laugh, and occasionally scream.
You would scream, too, if this is what you found waiting for you every morning:
That’s What She Said… About Becoming a Vegan
This week’s “That’s What She Said” column is about my crazy decision to give up everything good in life. In related news, I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR.
Also, I’m hungry.
Also, I’ll probably need to learn to cook so I can eat.
Also, if you have recipes or ideas please share.
Also, that’s all. I just really like the word also.
Beyonce & Jesus
Last week I caught one of my office nerds trying to imitate Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” dance. It was possibly the best moment of my entire life.
It sparked this conversation between two of my other nerds:
Me: “If you had to choose between being Beyonce or Jesus, who would you rather be?”
Nerd 1: “Hmm… that’s a tough question. They both have pretty good hair, but chicks are really into Jesus.”
Me: “Um, religious chicks are into Jesus. Those are the girls you’ll never score with anyway.”
Nerd 2: “I think I’d go with Beyonce, but I need to check with my wife to see if she’ll still love me. That’s the only thing stopping me right now.”
Nerd 1: “I’m still stuck on the girl part. I really don’t want to be a girl, but it would be so hard to be Jesus and probably not a lot of fun.”
Me: “Dude, I don’t think the atonement was supposed to be fun.”
The conversation went on for probably another 20 minutes. I love that they didn’t, for a second, doubt my question and just played along.
I have the best nerds ever.
Mondays make me lazy, and apparently sort of a pervert.
Today I’m over at Aiming Low talking about threesomes. Come on over.
That’s What She Said… About Addiction & Scrabble
This week’s “That’s What She Said” column.
I’ve already started on my chess obsession by making a cheat sheet on the nerd whiteboard.
NPR is the Leading Cause of Insanity
My family is usually very tolerant of my crazy. I think it has something to do with earning double points in order to access heaven.
Please note that getting into heaven may be a tad more complex than a reward card system. I’m not current on all things Jesus, but I imagine there’s a bit more to Christianity than double point day.
Anyway.
My brother, Ben, is probably the most tolerant of my crazy, because he shares a similar quality. This is the kid who removed the front, passenger seat of his car so people wouldn’t get in his space. Um, yeah. We’re totally related.
Ben knows a lot about cars. He’s been fixing my countless car issues for years. And until now he’s been happy to help. My car, much like me, is getting older. It desperately needs replacing, which I plan to do in the spring. Until then, however, I worry about all the small noises coming from the engine area. Each time I hear a weird noise I call and leave Ben a voicemail. This frequently occurs right after I listen to Car Talk on NPR. The program is my crack, and my brother’s biggest pet peeve.
Last weekend they featured a girl who lost a pregnant Madagascar Hissing Cockroach in her family’s car. It’s true! You can listen to the clip here.
After hearing this, I was convinced my car had a pregnant Mormon cricket hiding under a seat. I called and left my brother a very detailed message. He didn’t return that call, or the next call about my broken steering wheel. He also didn’t return the call from the previous week about… actually, I don’t even remember, but whatever it was IT WAS BROKEN.
This is all very upsetting and I’m considering having his reward card revoked as punishment. If that doesn’t work I’m going to refuse to replace my car.
That’ll teach him.