ISO: Baby Daddy, Sperm Bank, Pug Puppy or Battery Killing Monster
After a weekend in dirty Las Vegas I made it back to SLC just in time to meet my friend Sandi’s new baby.
Sailor is perfect. She is beautiful, sweet and content to let a perfect stranger hold her. It was love at first sight. I wanted to toss her in my purse and take her home, but I was worried that Sandi would kill me, and her feeding tube might get caught in the zipper of my purse.
I promise, I’m not usually the kidnapping type, but oh my God I fell in love with this little girl. The minute I saw her my ovaries did a perfectly choreographed tap dance up and down my womb.
I took the batteries out of my biological clock years ago, but holding Sailor close enough to feel her heartbeat started that damn clock. I don’t know how that thing is running without batteries, but it is. And, man, is it loud.
Internet, I think I’m in big trouble. Let’s just hope a pug puppy this spring will fill the void, because a baby daddy is just like the perfect red lipstick. Impossible for me to find.
Even if you don’t want/can’t have children, you can always take joy in those that belong to your friends and relatives.
And you can give them back when you’re done!
Pfft. Baby daddies are easy to find.
It’s the freaking FATHERS that are hard to spot.
Awww….maybe when I have my baby (Scarlett, remember?), I’ll move to SLC and we can share her. I’ll dress her, you make her care about politics and shit.
Is this why you don’t want to meet Meg tomorrow? Because that one two punch of Sailor/Meg might make you go all “immaculate” on us.
I can’t wait for them to get back home to Orange County. I hope Sailor’s health keeps improving!
Sarah, if I had sperm and a penis, I would knock you up in seconds… Just saying.
Seeing that baby makes my uterus cry.