NEW RULE: Wear Pants
It’s not a secret how much I like taking my pants off, though I do have SOME limits. There are a few places that I refuse to take my pants off like public restrooms, my grandmother’s house, or on a date with a total douchebag.
Yesterday, flying home from Chicago, I was forced to take my pants off in a dirty airport bathroom.
Before my flight home boarded I made a quick trip to the bathroom because I’m allergic to gross and nothing is grosser than airplane bathrooms. Right before I exited the stall I noticed my underwear on backwards. That’s the danger of boy short style undies and being in a rush to make a flight. I thought I’d be able to easily take off my pants and fix my undies, but just as I was about to drop my jeans I noticed liquid on the floor. Not wanting to risk the “is this pee or water” game I stepped onto the toilet seat to take care of business. Trying to maneuver a slippery plastic “let’s prevent toilet herpes” covered toilet seat with my pants half off in flip flops was not a good idea. Seeing that my foot was dangerously close to the germy toilet water I hopped off the toilet seat as fast as possible. In the process my left flip flop flew off my foot and under the next stall which, of course, wasn’t empty.
I froze.
There was no way I was going to walk out without a shoe. Um, germs much? No way. I’d rather die in a stall than walk barefooted on that floor. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t have my phone with me so I couldn’t send an emergency SOS text message to Summer, who was waiting for me in the terminal. Just as I was about to have a complete meltdown a perfectly manicured hand reached under my stall and handed me my shoe. Without saying a word. Not one. No laughing, nothing.
I’m convinced it was the hand of God. And people, it’s my job to tell you that God is a woman. With hooker red nails.
this story is so you and i love it
that is funny as hell.
OMG, hilarious. I literally want to pee my pants.
This happened to me once at a Target, but the person was NOT kind and did NOT give me my shoe back.
I basically waited for about 45 minutes before exiting the stall, retrieved my shoe, and left without ever bothering to buy the stuff I came to Target for.
It was Larry Craig, of course. He’s just a bit less forward now.
http://twitter.threadless.com/product/1959/Sadly_My_Day_Requires_Pants
hahahahahha – OMG, that is awesome.
Why were you wearing pants in the bar?
This is hysterical and something I think all women have been privvy to at least once in our lives whether it be shoes, purses, keys, baby bottles (don’t ask)…
I just have to know why you didn’t just leave the undies the way they were? They weren’t hurting anything and you didn’t even know they were askew until you looked down? Just wondering
Well, Jesus was on your side this trip after all.
I had a blast being your bum Buddie and traveling companion!
Ok, did this happen when I was sitting with you at the airport? Why did you not tell this story when I was there. OMG, I’m at work right now and I’m seriously dying here….HILARIOUS!!! You rock!!! Now I gotta go do some blog posts, that are not about POOP! Although can I talk about poop? But it won’t be my kid’s poop I’m talking about?
Did I hear you mention Larry Craig? Lucky you didn’t get arrested.
I love it! I love that she (or He) didn’t say anything. That’s priceless!
Ok, SERIOUSLY! That was the best visual image ever!! You just can’t make this shit up!
Of course God is a woman!! Haha…oh I miss you.
Thank God I’m not the only one who puts her panties on backwards. Which, when you think about the fact that I wear thongs most of the time, is kind of disturbing.
I have a drawer full of boyshorts, each of which I have probably put on backwards at least once.
After reading post, I might throw them all away. Can’t risk losing my shoe under a bathroom stall. I mean, the likelihood of my peeing in the stall next to God is pretty low, because I fly out of Hartford, CT, and I’m pretty sure God has never been here. Cuz if she had, she’d have smited us all to hell.
(Past tense of smite? Smut? Smat?)
Awesome! Love it.
Of course god has red nails. OF course.
Heheheh, great post. *Puts hooker red nail polish behind back* Wha-at??