Bathroom PSA
My hands are orange today. ORANGE! Which is not even my favorite color, though it was Frank Sinatra’s favorite color in case you care.
I want you to read this next part closely and take heed.
When going to the bathroom in the middle of the night you should always turn the bathroom light on. I don’t care how tired you are, or how much your throat hurts. Turn that motherfucking light on, because otherwise when you reach for lotion after you wash your hands you will accidentally grab the bottle of self-tanner from the drawer and slather it all over your poor little dry hands.
Orange hands don’t suit me. I look like George Hamilton, which sucks because I have a date tonight. But don’t you worry I’ll insist he calls me George all night, which may prove to be awkward for him, but entertaining enough for me that he’ll agree to it.
This completes your public service announcement Friday.
You’re welcome.
Thank you. The bright lights of the bathroom at 3 a.m. are awful, but better briefly in brightness than days with orange hands.
Just think of all the interesting conversations that start with… “omg wth did you do to your hands?”
OMG! I can’t even believe that happened–you poor thing! I knew there was a reason I don’t buy self tanner–I have enough confusion in my household at the moment! How long will it take to wear off??? I guess at least it’s winter & you can wear gloves, right?
Haha. I hope it was that stuff I talked you into buying, because that stuff really works. I’m getting the best picture in my head right now. Thanks.
At least yours was accidental; whenever I attempt to apply self-tanner, I end up looking like an orange zebra wearing orange gloves.
Try nail polish removed. Yes, it will dry the hell out of your hands; however, you won’t look like you fisted an Oompa Loompa, so that’s good.
I’d go with a ” well I’m a quarter Oompa Loompa from my mothers side ” as an excuse.
Picture please.
Seriously. I adore you.
Hahah omg.
When I think of orange, I think of oompa loompas. Glad I’m not the only one.
Dammit! If only you had posted this yesterday!
grrrrr.
Pic or it never happend. Dem’s da rulez!
Orange hands = winter tan.
It beat being blue.. or purple..
I think.
Well Sarah, at least you didn’t wipe the excess on your face and leave it all striped!
Have fun on your date!
I sense a new fashion trend.
You could always be mysterious and wear gloves on your date.
Oh, Oh! I paint people as a side job, and a good loofah followed by nail polish remover will do the trick. Moisturizing will only keep the color on longer.
Oh dear god. I had a roommate who had this happen to him when he hooked up with a woman New Year’s Eve. Only they BOTH ended up with orange appendages. He has yet to live that down and it was like 8 years ago.
Where is the photo goodness!
Havent had this exact problem before but if you use nair, or the other product with the rubber razor it will take it off instantly.
I was trying to find a post you wrote about tanning products because I thought you mentioned a brand (must have been another post). But I also remembered something about fisting Oompa Loompas. Unsure how to spell “Oompa Loompa,” I tried “Sarah Nielson” + “fisting.”
396 Google hits.
Bravo, lady.