Saving RLO
RLO’s family is ruining my life. Yes, I see how that may sound excessively paranoid especially given that I’ve never even met them, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
His family is in SLC visiting this week, which means he has no time for me. This happens every time they are in town. I lose my best friend for days at a time. The worst was when his sister got married. Did she even ask my permission to get married on my birthday last year? NO! She’s obviously very selfish. After the appropriate amount of guilt I forgave him, after all it’s not his fault his family is so inconsiderate.
This year not only are they in town stealing my BFF, but they are taking him away to a remote cabin in the forest. This is where I draw the line. How do I know they will take proper care of him? Do they know RLO requires a certain amount of teasing to survive? Do they know he must east at the pub at least once a week? Do they have Diet Coke at this cabin? Or a TV so he can stay caught up on “The Hills?”
I have a feeling they are going to fill his head with a bunch of “family first” nonsense that will likely take me months of brainwashing to correct.
And the worst part? He didn’t even ask me if he could go.
RLO and his family, are obviously, fired.
I’m trying to be Christian about it, you know that whole “What Would Jesus Do” attitude. But I’m pretty sure Jesus would kick their asses and take RLO back at any cost. Isn’t that what salvation is all about?
They sound like inconsiderate jerks to me. Really, having a wedding on YOUR birthday? WTF?
Wait. Don’t you mean that they are doing the brainwashing while you have months of deprogramming ahead of you?
Yes, that is what salvation is all about.
Not only would Jesus kick their asses. He teach them they need to forgive – meaning they best not be bitter that he kicked their asses.
I just love Jesus!
Absolutely wrong. No Diet Coke and no Hills? That’s just torture and so NOT ok…
But… I’m glad I’m not the only one that was fired this week.
One of your best posts yet.
You two BFFs should really consider another step in the relationship….
No worries mate – as discussed, I have arranged for a tracking device to be shuvved up rlo’s bung hole in case he doesn’t come back from the woods and we need to go searching.
I feel I am as repetitive as a broken record (or unbroken hip-hop record as the case may be!), but I must again remind you that there is another who yearns for your affection more than RLO Bosworth ever could! While thy homosexual companion has abandoned you this week, I am not! Although both my mother, father, four grandparents, and all my siblings have tragically died, I must brush aside their funerals for the more rewarding pleasure of posting on thy blog
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ha ha ha ha ha!
Mrs. AK cracked me up!
Too funny!
Love your posts…they make me chuckle! RLO Please stay home for heavens sake…Sarah needs you. I want an RLO!
Jesus would set them on fire and send them to hell. However, your state may have laws against such things.
Oh sheesh could you and RLO just admit you’re getting married soon already……
BASTARDS!!!!
Sarah this is so well written! So Funny!! Love ya
Oh Sarah…I love you.