Workin’ It
Last night I wasn’t able to meet with Trainer Tracey so I asked RLO to work out with me instead. He’s always trying to murder me so I figured he was the perfect choice.
He wasn’t.
Walking from the parking lot to the building I saw RLO standing outside waiting for me. I promptly turned around and shook my ass at him. I wanted to make sure he saw that I was wearing my favorite sweats. As I got closer I turned around and shook it for the second time yelling, “Want some of this big boy?”
He didn’t reply. Which is odd because RLO always has the perfect smart-ass comment for moments like this. And then I realized it wasn’t actually RLO, but a teenager who had the same build and the same floppy brown hair.
Luckily I wasn’t arrested.
When I walked inside I found RLO flirting with the teenager working at the desk. I can’t help but worry we’re coming across as the Bonnie and Clyde of statutory rape. We headed into the gym worked out together and didn’t make eye contact with anyone the remainder of the night. Just in case.
“Bonnie and Clyde of statutory rape”
I spat my morning coffee out over that one.
Did RLO get the desk girl/boy’s number? Do you have competition on the horizon?
Holy crap that’s hilarious! I’ve been known to wave at complete strangers but I have yet to shake my ass at them! Kudos!
Funny! How’s your eye?
Oh my god that was hilarious! Where did you get those sweats? Do they have something written on the back too?
Haha. I want to come to the gym with you and RLO.
I have spoken to, waved and smiled at perfect strangers but I can’t think of one time that I have actually shaken my butt at them.
LOL! That’s hilarious!!
and stay away from my kid. He’s only EIGHT for cryin’ out loud!
Funniest thing I’ve read all week! Just a thought, though… Maybe Baby Jesus is punishing you for your Almost Statutory Rape by making your eye swell up. Repent, Sister Nielson!!
This sounds so funny when you write it in your blog, but this is you and Arlo everyday. You are always saying things that self-inflict public humiliation and Arlo is always hanging out talking to girls at the front desk. I still have to laugh every time I read about another incident.
I really wish we knew what your little statutory rape victim was thinking through all this. Very funny.
That’s the best!
~snort~ OMG the mental image of all this is way too much! Funny shit!
Ho ho my darling, the Bonnie and Clyde of statutory rape. Glad to see I am not the only kleptomaniac in this regard!
While some may dream of heaven or nirvana, my sole desire would be reincarnation — to be reborn as that blessed floppy-haired teenager. Oh I would not have cowered in fear, but responded to your question in the affirmative “Yes Ma’am!” What could have then ensued, I leave to the history books of lore.
That is the funniest thing I’ve heard today - and I needed it!
Thanks!
That is too funny, Sarah! That’s the sort of gaffe one should be proud of, I think.
What did the teenager do? Did he smile or laugh or ignore you?
That’s awesome…you just need to trade the scooter in for one of those rapist conversion vans and have “free puppies and candy” painted on the side…
I wonder what that kid went back and told his friends…
For all those that inquired, the RLO look-alike was beet red. It will be interesting to see what he does next time I run into him at the gym.
The boy’s behavior was understandable. You were offering yourself to him while wearing “True Love Waits” sweatpants. The combination of the two basically amounts to a proposal of marriage, and those make everyone speechless.