A Gold in Lazy
Last night at the Clap Your Hands Say Yeah concert someone Rlo knew walked by. He, of course, didn’t introduce me.
He pretends he’s protecting me from his Mormon friends and their wild heathen activities such as praying, and talking reverently about Jesus or kittens. However, I know the truth: he’s protecting them from me and my need to use the word fuck at least 3,000 times a day.
“Was that one of your Mormons or school friends?”
“She’s a Mormon friend, and a nurse.”
“Another one? How many naughty nurse friends do you have?”
“Let’s just say I’m covered in the sponge bath department.”
“Ohhh, if I ever get too lazy to shower can I borrow them?”
Rlo looked at me in disgust and said, “No, Sarah, I’ll hire that out. It’s worth the money.”
I see absolutely no reason why Rlo should be embarrassed of my extreme laziness. If anything he should be pleased, especially now during the Olympics. Where’s his sense of competitive pride? I’d fire him, but he’s irreplaceable.
Most men would love the thought of a hot lady, such as yourself, getting sponged down by some female nurses.
Guess Rlo isn’t most men.
If your skin is ever dry and in need of a lathering up, say no more than “Trollpop!” and I, Janglestein, will come running with a bucket of soapy water and loofahs more than the eye can see!
Ah, heaven.
I was going to say something about how I am a nurse, and in a totally non-sexual, non-creepy-stalker way, that I would help you if you couldn’t perform your self-care needs. But then I read the comment from Janglestein and now my brain is full of the Trollpop Janglestein that I have imagined (very similar to the Snow Miser from The Year Without a Santa Claus, here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snow_Miser) and now I am picturing said Snow Miser/Janglestein skipping and tra-la-la-ing with a bucket of soapy water to bathe his beloved Neilstein.
Oh, I really effing needed a chuckle today!
If we’re talking about competitive events in deadly sins, I have multiple medals in envy. Also gluttony.
Mormons like Clap Your Hands Say Yeah??!!
We learn something new everyday, don’t we?
Mormon friend introductions are always a little weird. For me, as an x-mormon, there is always that uncomfortable slightly busted feeling when I run into an old acquaintance. It’s always when I’m drunk in a public place like a concert or the grocery store…then I’m all like “shh, don’t tell Jesus”.
Maybe they should change the weekly concerts from Thursday nights to Monday nights; then we can all avoid those uncomfortable situations.
Hmm, the fact that Rlo didn’t jump all over the idea of nurses giving you a sponge bath is certainly strange. There must be some sort of switch installed in the mormon boys that turns off the fantasy realm, except when it comes to video games.
awww…everyone needs an Rlo. an irreplaceable Rlo.
While you are at it see if you can work out a bedpan service as well…Then you can change the post title to “a gold in shower”…
You run the risk when being bathed by Mormon nurses (naughty or otherwise) of finding yourself clothed in Magic Mormon Underwear® and suddenly unable to say “fuck” but instead only “fiddlesticks!”
Proceed with caution.
I medaled in warm beer drinking, I am excited to see us sweeping the awards like we are…but I am still pissed I got the bronze in lazy…if only I wouldn’t have done that mid couch stretch.