Lost Card, Lost Car, Lost Mind
Earlier this week I lost my car in a parking garage. There is only one person to blame for this, and it’s obviously not me. It’s this girl.
Doni is an Internet stranger. Scratch that. Doni was an Internet stranger, until this week when we met for coffee. I think a shiver just went up my mother’s spine. My mom doesn’t understand that the Internet has THE best people. Ever. They bring you presents when they don’t even know you.
When parking in a garage I always write down the location of my car. I can’t be trusted to remember anything as important as the location of my car. I was late meeting Doni for coffee so in my rush I didn’t write down the car location. Enter lost car. Forty five minutes, and three levels later I found my car. To reward myself I stopped at Starbucks. For those of you paying attention, yes, I did just come from a coffee shop. BUT, in our excitement to meet, Doni and I both forgot to actually order coffee. Or at least I did. Back at the second Starbucks I realized I had lost my debit card, after I had ordered my coffee and been prepared. Fuck.
When I tried to explain the situation to the barista, she asked why I didn’t pay with the credit card she noticed in my wallet. I tried to explain to her I’d maxed it out just the night before when I found a pair of Joe ’s jeans I just couldn’t live without in Nordstroms. She looked at me blankly, so in an effort to make her understand I showed her. “Seriously, look at how good these make my ass look.” I did a slow model twirl for her. Again, she looked at me blankly and I gave up. I walked out of a Starbucks for the second time in one day without any coffee, which for me is more tragic than a lost car, or a lost debit card.
i’ve met two bloggity friends and can’t wait to meet more! i agree…they are the best! it is a little hard to meet people since i live in turkey, but come november i am so back in america! i’ll just have to pace myself so i don’t seem like a crazed stalker. it’ll be hard, but hopefully i can manage not to scare people too much!
Not having coffee is pretty much the most tragique thing ever.
Also, that’s the most lamest, most cluelessest barista ever. I would love to have a customer show me how good their ass looks in their new jeans - if just to be able to make fun of said customer with all the co-workers.
And I too love to meet cool people from the internets. Especially anyone who tells me I’m awesome and loves to read my blog. Because, of course, I am AM awesome, and my blog is the most profound, witty ever. (obviously besides yours Sarah).
We in KC (Kansas City) have what we call “Blogger Meet ups” once a month. We always meet at a different bar in different parts of town so someone doesn’t have to drive 30 min just to have a few beers. There are always new people the come every month. It’s pretty kick-ass. Out next one is the 23rd.
About your ass and those jeans. Did you clinch your ass when you showed it to her? She probably would have understood then.
Showing your ass to strangers… nice move!
I think she should have let you slide if your ass looked that good
She should have bought you the coffee.
Personally I think the model-twirl move should have landed you not just some free coffee, but a scone too.
Hi
Just wanted to tell you i love to read your blogs. When i ready your blog today, I just had to leave you a comment. I Live in Richfield, Which is 3 hours south of Salt Lake City and I love Starbucks so much i often find myself traveling the 1 1/2 hours to Payson to get some. It upsets me to think you weren’t able to have your unresistable cup of delicious starbucks. What did you get? (try the Grande Nonfat Decafe “iced” carmel machiato) Trust me!!!
—Haylee—
Is it just me, or is this totally something you would write about?
http://www.joeydevilla.com/2008/06/11/gummi-lighthouses-when-candy-design-goes-terribly-hilariously-wrong/
Oooh… but at least you weren’t without the funds when you found the ass-perfecting jeans. I need to start the search for some of those!
Next time I promise…I’ll either buy you coffee or alcohol, your choice to make up for it.
that is too funny. I think you should post a picture of your ass in those jeans. Ive heard that Joe Jeans really know how to make a woman’s butt look hot. All my jeans come from Target, which…..well, they were $20 bucks, and I don’t need to spend a fortune for my ass to look
Michelle
Also - I took a long nap today and dreamt about you. For reals. You were incredibly obese in my dream - like 500 lbs, and I was all “wow, she really didn’t look that big in her pictures) And, you were in a wheel chair. That’s all I remember.
“Grande Nonfat Decafe ‘iced’ carmel machiato”?
Haylee, Haylee, Haylee …
1) If it’s decaf, it ain’t coffee
2) Non-fat, but heavily sugared?
3) If it’s decaf, it ain’t coffee!
4) a real macchiato is a shot of espresso, “stained” with just a hint of milk … a Starbucks macchiato is milk with a hint of espresso. What’s the point?
5) If it’s decaf, it AIN’T coffee!
Next time you make that 90-minute drive, get a real drink.
Double-shot of CAFFEINATED espresso, in a short cup, with just a dollop of whole-milk (or better yet, half-and-half) foam. No sugar. No extra additives.
Mmmmm … yummy.
Now THAT’s coffee.
As a barista in a local coffee shop, I understand how detrimental a day without coffee is. And I am completely serious.
Thanks for checking out my blog! I know I shouldn’t be feeling as completely thrilled as I am since you also viewed a good hundred others, but still. That was awesome.
I would have given you the coffee as a reward for being awesome enough to be like “No, my card is maxed out but LOOK AT MY ASS!” Hilarious mental picture… You are the best girl ever.
Actually, there are two types of macchiati - café macchiato (espresso marked with a spot of milk foam) and latte macchiato (steamed milk and foam marked with espresso). Both are “real”, though café macchiato is the older version.
Haylee, is it “iced” or iced? I’m not really sure what “iced” means, but I’m pretty certain that I would like iced coffee better than “iced” coffee.
Craig — the Starbucks macchiato is a latté macchiato, doctored with funky syrups … like many things at Starbucks, it’s not traditional.
Speaking of iced coffee; I need to freeze up some coffee cubes … that way, when you pour the hot coffee over the cold “ice”, it doesn’t get watered down …
cute jeans that make your ass look great trump coffee any day!
I loved this post… I stumbled upon your blog and have officially added it to my blog roll.
I used to work as a barista, in DC. I can say that anyone coming into my store, who was willing to show me their “assets,” got a years supply of free coffee! Does that make me easy?