It’s Getting Hot in Here
Summer is here. Which means I finally have an excuse to strip down the minute I walk into my apartment. It’s hot as hell in my little princess pad. Last night my bedroom was 95 degrees, and nothing justifies being naked more than 95 degrees.
I love soaking up the sun. Nothing makes me happier than roasting myself tan. However, I’ve learned my lesson. Two summers ago I had to have some spots on my back removed that were direct results of a lifetime spent in the sun. Listen up: WEAR SUNSCREEN BITCHES! Now, I look around at all the tanned bodies and find myself envious. Saturday I finally broke down and tried the sunless spray tanning at a local salon.
OH MY GOD! For the life of me I cannot figure out why I waited so long to try it. It looks as close to real as my cancer fearing self will allow.
There was only one small incident… the very Mormon looking girl who showed me how the machine worked forgot to warn me how cold the spray would be when it hit me. I screeched so loudly I think they thought the Second Coming had arrived. And oddly enough, I was totally fine with the thought of Jesus walking through the doors to the tanning salon. If there is a Jesus, and he comes to earth I want to look my very best. Perhaps if I look hot enough, he can overlook all that sinning I’ve been busy with.
I think looking hot is the key to eternal salvation. You’re free to keep on sinning.
I turned on my air last night. I can’t sleep if my place is over 70 degrees.
You’re lucky in your ability to tan. We of the Nosferatu envy your lives in the sunlight. I have to wear so much sunscreen I look like I was caught in an explosion at the lotion factory. (I had a much funnier analogy typed, but it might have been too much)
And lots of things justify being naked more than 95 degrees.
You have my permission to take your clothes off anytime tan or no tan.
So you really liked the spray tanning machine thingy? I have been scared to try it, for fear that I will look orange-ish or it will stain my hands…
Spray tanning is high on my list of things to try…right up there with going Brazilian, actually.
I am afraid of looking orange because I am SOOO white. (I make Dracula look nice and healthy.)
I am rolling here. Seriously, you crack me up.
I am dying to try sunless spray tanning.
The second coming is always the best, even though it does take a little more effort to get there sometimes…
Okay, I’ll go ahead and say what everyone else here chickened out of:
“Ummmm, PIXXX?
Oh man, I can’t believe it gets that hot anywhere. I’m from Alaska…which I just learned is your least favorite state. Sad.
Nice! I’ll have to try it!
Pictures or it didn’t happen!
Thanks for the lol about the cold spray screech and Jesus. I always figured when Jesus came back I would just sort of sense it, and look over my shoulder and see him, and our eyes would meet, and then I would be a little smoking crater.
So does it have that “self-tanner smell?” That’s the reason I haven’t tried it…