Tales of Wit and Charm…

I, Sarah Middlenameless Nielson, will never encourage friends to start blogging again. I have learned a very valuable lesson. Midge started a blog for her new son Ike, but realizing how cool blogs can be, she created her own as well. Here she’s posted some humiliating photos she arranged of me years ago. And in typical self-deprecating fashion I’m going to pass them on.

“Why,” you ask? Why not.

View the horror here.

What I’ve learned since the 90’s:
1) Having a killer tan leads to skin cancer.
2) All fashion from this decade should be burned.

I hope to forgive her before tonight’s Ryan Adams concert. Since I don’t have a date she’ll have to snuggle me if i get cold. Let the healing process begin…

Dear Chady-Bear,

STOP SENDING BEN LETTERS TO MY HOUSE! (Please read that as many times as necessary.) Seriously, I’m not a postal carrier—I don’t have the legs for it, though I doubt all postal carriers are as hot as the girl that delivers my mail. I bet most people have men or women who look like they moonlight at the Maverick. Remember that creepy lady that worked at the Mav by my house and I refused to go in when she was working because I was convinced her face moles were separate people? Sorry, I digress… I just don’t want to be bothered with having to deliver Ben his mail. You have his address. I’ve given it to you, Mom’s given it to you and from what I understand so has Ben. STOP.

How are you?

I’m out of wine. The case of two-buck chuck you gave me before leaving is long gone. Maybe I’m drinking to cope with the loss of my baby brother?

I’m accidentally addicted to the Justin Timberlake Bringing Sexy Back song. I have no idea what happened, but I am 100% obsessed. Also obsessed with” Big Love.” The first time I watched it I hated it and didn’t get past the opening credits. I gave it a second chance and it’s like crack—totally addicting. I know Ben watches it, but did you pre-mission? It could be the common religious link all the siblings share! I bet Matt & Holli would watch it. Jeff and what’s her face probably do, since they live pretty much in Herriman (which is probably home to many polygamists).

Summer semester end this week, which will be nice. I’ll have time to optimize my procrastination skills. I promised myself I’d organize and clean that little office nook I have upstairs. I was going to ask if you missed being in classes, but remembered Mom said you were in class non-stop in the MTC.

Things are going pretty well despite my silly rants. I miss seeing my geeks everyday but I don’t miss that sick feeling in my stomach I got each day walking into the office. Freedom is aweome and totally worth pinching pennies over. That iPhone can wait, and the trip to Italy with Silvia will be there next year. She’s moving back. I can’t wait to have my Italian mother back. Daisy still scratches on her door thinking she and Rog still live there.

Carmen is moving to San Diego at the end of the month. It hit me pretty hard. He’s been a constant in my life for ten years. It’ll be weird not being able to just drive over to his house. I can’t think about it too long without getting emotional.

I’ll let you get back to whatever you do there, but consider yourself updated on my life as requested.

Love you Bear!

Love,
Sissy

Dear Men of SLC,

I’m thrilled that you don’t have the body issues we women tend to have, but please for the love of god cover up your man fur! I know it’s hot as hell outside, yet I still wear clothing and would appreciate it if you could.

I can see your reasoning that the back hair provides a protective layer for your sensitive skin while riding your bike. BUT, what about the protective layer for the rest of us? If you don’t have a shirt, I’d be more than happy to raid Ben’s closet and steal you one. Seriously, whatever it takes.

If you could rectify this situation immediately that would be great. I thank you. Young children thank you. The city thanks you.

Regards,
Sarah

Last night’s Clemson night was spent drinking at The Twilight Lounge. It was there I discovered I’m awesome at pinball. I mean, I’ve always suspected but with the help of a much younger version of Mel Gibson I beat Jon hands down. Though Jon may not agree with that last statement, he felt we ended in a tie. I agreed on a tie, but with me secretly winning.

Aimee and her daughter, Lo, met Ben and I at the Farmer’s Market this morning. Ben and Lo are like siblings these days. One day they hate each other and the next they are inseparable. Today was an on day. I think it had something to do with Ben teaching her how to blow bubbles with her gum last week.

My favorite part was the cupcake stand. Aimee’s favorite part was leaving and not having a parking ticket. Lo’s favorite part were the snow cones and Ben’s favorite part was comparing SLC Mayoral Candidates to Dick Cheney.

I think he’s considering a move downtown so he can vote in the race, based solely on looks. This is the brother who refuses to acknowledge the fact I pick favorite sports teams based on uniform colors. Hmm…

I started going grocery shopping with Marky. For two reasons: 1) He always drives, and 2) I don’t have to talk to people, therefore keeping the name calling to a minimum.

So yesterday when the following conversation took place: