Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

last night night ben and i went over to our brother jeff’s house to watch the fights on hbo. my brothers really like watching them, and while i don’t i really like seeing my brothers.

my brother jeff lives with his girlfriend and her 3-year-old daughter, who i call little hula. she got one of those doll heads for christmas so she can play hairdresser. it’s a nice having her play with doll hair rather than combing mine with my car keys. when she showed me the doll i asked her where the body was and if ben had eaten it. you see, i told her months ago that ben eats people. she looked over at ben and he bared all his teeth. at this point she was totally freaked out, and ben and i were in heaven. for the remainder of the evening ben would periodically walk over and pretend to eat whatever doll she was playing with.

i left before ben did and when i walked out the door little hula started to cry because she didn’t want me to leave ben there. i felt horrible and decided i’d never tease her like that again…well, unless i’m taking ben home with me.

some say makeup sex is one of the best things about fighting, but what about when the fight was with a friend not boyfriend? i found the answer yesterday: makeup shopping; apparently, nothing heals a fight like buying new shoes together.

dear friend (you know who you are), i promise never to be so stubborn again! i see a future bright with target adventures, sbux and yelling for carmen in the streets. life is good, again!

wondering why you didn’t get a christmas letter from me? read it here!

people tell me all the time that i’m self-centered. i’m 31, single, no kids, and live alone–of course i’m self-centered, this is not news. i just realized that i’m capable of making everything about me, even my parent’s wedding anniversary. today marked their 32nd year of marriage. when i called my mom to wish her a happy anniversary i got her voicemail, this is how it went:

mother, it’s daughter…i’m calling because it’s your anniversary. i’d sing like you do for my birthday, but i don’t think there is a song for this occasion. i’d make one up, but that wouldn’t be a gift as much as torture. anyway, thanks for getting married because you had me, and i really love me, well most days i do. today was a bad hair day, so i didn’t love myself as much as i did yesterday, but still. oh, and happy anniversary, love you and stuff. bye.

somehow, i managed to turn her anniversary call into a voicemail about me and my hair. i wish i had a picture scanned of them when they were young and without the burden of daughter, the best i could do was the picture i have on my bedside table.
**mom & dad, happy anniversary! thank for loving me despite all my (many) flaws, which is a post for another day.

i’m really bad when it comes to locking my doors. i’ve gotten much better, but it used to be the running joke with my friends that i didn’t even need house keys. i never had a house key growing up, in fact i don’t remember once locking the front door; growing up in the country does have it’s benefits(see mom, i told you i could think of one!). i still don’t have a key to my parent’s house, so when i got there last week and the door was locked i freaked out. rather than ring the bell i decided my parents had not forgiven me writing about strippers in my column, and locked me out for good. luckily, it was just locked to help keep the winter draft out, and i was let in the house immediately.

when i hear people blaming movies and video games for the level of crime i scoff at the idea, however, when i saw the movie picks in delta i thought maybe there is something to the theory. no crime, no movies with a rating above pg–just a thought…

tired of crappy snow driving, i put rain x on my windshield today. the following was found on the bottle:
-repels rain, sleet and snow on contact

now, if i could just find rain x for my life! i’d love a product that repels the shit that keeps coming my way. until then, my car windows will remain the least crummy thing in my life.