Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

when i think of brew pub food i expect certain things, you know, beer food: pizza, nachos, and all things appetizer; sushi and oysters require sake, not american beer. i understand vegas likes to mix things, but please for the love of strippers and all else holy, leave the breweries alone!

these strange mixes cause middle-aged men to drink, a lot. thank god, the man at the table next to me decided to wait until i finished my dinner to puke into his own lap. so, being a fellow puker, yes, sometimes i can’t hold my alcohol either (stop judging, i said SOMETIMES) i walked over and politely handed him my stack of napkins. as i walked out of the restaurant i heard him claim “wasabi sucks”, then make plans to hit the floor, for some reason i think he’ll end up hitting a different floor then planned, just a thought…

sometimes a girl needs a little excitement, what place better to find it then vegas, right? i knew i was off to a good start when my cab driver was named joseph smith. there is a god, and he has the same sense of humor i do. praise that lord!

a memo to my co-workers:

when saving my number into your phone always use my first and last name, a seemingly innocent message requesting help turns dirty, oh so dirty rather quickly.
and yes, i liked it…

every so often, i realize ben and i are indeed biological brother and sister, today happens to be one of those days. the kid’s vacationing in puerto rico, which is good because emo kids need sun too. when i asked him to send me some pictures i should have been more specific, i.e. beaches, hot women in teensy bikinis, you know…vacation pictures–instead i get this:of course after seeing this i immediately called him in hopes that wallace realty is selling this little gem. if i’m not spotted at a local sbux in the near future, you’ll know where to find me, right? i’ll be the proud new proprietor of super condom, the store for champions!

thursday nights are my favorite night of the week, it’s coffee club night; the girls and i meet at sbux every thursday. tonight we tried something new, a new venue, sorta–which will now be known as ‘burb bux. you see, aimee retired and moved to the ‘burbs, and i’ve been spending a significant amount of time out there as well, so it made sense to move the club.

in my life when something makes sense i should know to steer the hell clear, lesson learned. in the future, when i see motorcycles parked in front of sbux i’ll know NOT to go in, because when you do you, find yourself amidst old men attempting hip-ness, this is never a good thing (remember that boys). i’m a chronic eavesdropper, so of course i was able to catch the tail end of their conversation. the topic: myspace and real estate, why you would mix the two is beyond me, but whatever. the argument was whether or not you could sell houses on myspace, or if it was indeed a porn site as they had heard on the news.

to clarify:
-beachcruisers and cruisers are not the same
-vespas are the official “bike” of sbux
-myspace isn’t suicide girls
-real estate can be sold on craigs list

sigh…