Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

ice-cream, geez what did you think i meant? you dirty, dirty folks!

it’s a fine line between my neurosis and love of all things coffee. gray offered me some of his espresso coffee this afternoon, i hesitated for a moment, carefully weighing the situation–coffee vs. germs. surprisingly coffee beat potential gg contamination, is it possible that i’m becoming slightly less neurotic with age?!

don’t hold your breath on that one…actually maybe you should, just in case, or at least don’t breathe in my direction.

flyboy and i went to dinner last night at a little joint known as roosters; a cool little place, but it didn’t follow my no cocks at dinner rule. yes, i realize a place named after a rooster is bound to have them throughout the restaurant, but still…

it’s hard to pay attention to your dinner conversation when you’re waiting for your date to stick his foot in his mouth. you see flyboy has an excellent track record at doing just that. i’m not easily offended, so instead of getting upset i get excited. rest assured, the evening was a complete success! a man passing outside had on a puffy vest, flyboy pointed out how silly this was as it doesn’t keep your arms warm. bippity bam, guess who wears a puffy PINK vest all winter long…yup, me.

it’s nice to have something you can count on.

i hate litter. country carl knows this from experience; i was giving him a ride somewhere and he threw out a gum wrapper from the window. i immediately stopped the car, turned around and forced him out to pick it up–carl will not be littering again, at least in my presence. i live on a busy street, often there are asshats who decide littering the street is better than littering their car. whatever. when i saw a box on the curb last week i went to throw it out (yes pmk, i was planning on using massive amounts of sanitizer on my hands, industrial strength no less).
upon closer inspection i found a blow-up doll box! at this point i decided not to pick it up, sure we can say i didn’t want to touch it, but honestly i wanted other people to get that same shock factor!
either there is a dirty pervert out driving my street playing with his new “friend”, or one of my neighbors can’t get a date–a human one, that is. i’ve not stopped judging my neighbors since the incident. god, i love people.

that’ll learn him…

chady-bear graduated from high school last night which makes my parents old, yet somehow i remain not a day over 21. everyone knows how boring graduation ceremonies are so the mind tends to wander; while i was busy contemplating why i wasn’t the inventor of velcro, ben was in another place, a place far, far away. he was dazing off, as he usually does, when he suddenly perks up looks at me and asks if he looks like he’s been smoking weed. i’m unsure why looking like you’re stoned is suddenly a good thing. poor ben, living in the country is affecting his mind. and his hair. yes, you’re looking at the beginning of a trashed out mullet. go ben!

while paying for lunch today pmk handed over $11 for a $10.98 total, the cashier grabbed a calculator to ensure pmk received the correct change.

umm, you do the math. there is entirely too much to make fun of…so insert your own sarcasm, ad nauseam.