Tales of Wit and Charm…

friday five isn’t happening today, because i’m pissy, and that’s all the reason i need! so, unless you all want to hear the top five reasons i hate the world, i think i’m better off blogging yet another reason to be a lesbian (in case you forgot the previous post):

my love of all things pink might just one up my hatred for trucks. i quickly pulled over to take a couple of snaps on the ole camera phone. it was then i noticed the pink parking lines, i looked up at the building and realized i was standing in front of the local slc lesbian bar, yes there is one. in my over caffeinated imagination i could see the biker girls inside ready to come after me with their magic lesbian dust. i quickly left, maybe in my 32nd year….

i did, however, look in my rear view mirror. twice. just in case. portia de rossi could have been chasing after my car. no really, it COULD happen….

i hate email chain letters.

i’m never going to believe that my future relationship luck is hanging on the balance of one single email, hello, i don’t have a) luck or b) a relationship to jinx!

so, today i received this little lovely via cell phone:

Fwd:Fwd: Puff puff pass! Dis is a cellular blunt so dont fuck up the rotation! Keep this shit movin’ til the whole world hits it! Happy 420!

since when are we getting forwards via cell phones?! i can’t seem to escape this crap. to forward, or not to forward, that is the question. i’m ok with risking bad blunt luck, as i don’t smoke them, but just in case i pick up the habit between say now and the end of the day, i’ll pass it on to pmk.

so, we all know the deal; 420 is the day to celebrate being a pothead. we’ve all heard that 420 is the cop code for that wacky tobaccy, well not according to snopes:

420 is the penal code section for marijuana use in California.

Nope. Section 420 of the California penal code refers to obstructing entry on public land. The penal codes of other states list different entries for 420, but none of them matches anything having to do with marijuana.

just so you know….

while in the dressing room at express yesterday, i overheard two young girls discussing the skirts they were trying on. when having trouble deciding one asked the other, “what would jesus think if he walked into the room when you were wearing it?”

as i walked out they mistakenly asked my opinion, i simply stated, “jesus strikes me more of the red or black type, not baby blue”. i walked out as their jaws hit the floor.

i’m positive i’m going to hell, but at least i know i’ll be warm there.

i’ve never been a big fan of personalized license plates, but this one was just too fabulous not to like….

this morning ben and i were discussing his summer haircut plans, he’s moving “home” for the summer. we’ve decided if he is going to live in the country he has to be country (don’t worry, it’s just for the summer).

the obvious answer is, of course, a mullet.

when he was trying to explain what he wanted it to look like he said, “i don’t want it to scream i want to sleep with my cousins, i want it to whisper it”.

it was at this point i realized, we are most definitely related; siblings NOT cousins!