Tales of Wit and Charm…

i’d like to take a quick moment to apologize to anyone who faced a crummy snow-packed commute this morning. you see, i am convinced the weather is directly related to my karma. my BAD karma.

when i am walking up to my apartment and see crazy chick, i can’t help but have negative thoughts towards her, and by negative thoughts i mean horrific torture:

-starving daisy for a week, dipping her in gravy, tying her down, and letting daisy have at her.
-forcing her to wear clothes that actually look good on her (gasp).
-tying her down in the street and letting those pesky long-boarders run her over, again, and again…
-giving ben countless sugared energy drinks and letting him drive her around downtown.
-forcing her to listen to selections from justin’s ipod, which may or may not contain bad abba covers.
-and lastly letting yours truly drink tequila before speaking to her…

scott and i use the nurse betty scale when judging a movie, better or worse than nurse betty. it started out as the truth about cats and dogs, but we adjusted as time passed. both movies are completely mediocre, we neither loved them nor hated them. when scott’s gravy train chose to move them to ohio (or whatever bullshit state he lives in), i was forced to discuss movies with new people. most of these people haven’t seen nurse betty, so the rating process doesn’t fly. which brings me to the question behind this post. i need run of the mill movie suggestions to create a new scale, either that or a fund to bring scott back. wanna help?

last night was laundry night. i gained courage and went to the creepy basement where the washer and dryer live. someone else was drying their clothes, no biggie, by the time i was done washing they would more than likely be done. my crap luck, it just had to be the loony girl, aka crazy chick. on top of the dryer was a big note asking that no one take her laundry.

to her i say:

1. there are only 6 people living in the house, granted 3 of which HATE you, but it’s not like you’re at a seedy laundromat where people steal your clothes.

2. your clothes are ugly, no one wants them. trust me.

if i’m wrong, then next time you see ben or carl clad in your hippie skirts, just kindly ask them to return to owner. i’m sure they would happily oblige.

yikes, i just realized how much my last post sucked! it’s this funk i’m in, the “when will winter ever be over” funk, well that and some major family drama, but hey what would a family be without drama, riiightt?

soooo, i thought it time to blog about happy things! as we know, i love all things pink. seriously. while shopping i can look at something, think it’s totally ugly, see it in pink and instantly fall in love. it’s true, it happens constantly. someday i will post pics of all my favorite pink things, until then i bring you my newest addition to my lovely collection of pink:
welcome home gals, a home where you will be loved and cherished above all others, simply because you’re pink!

I dreamed about killing you again last night. And it felt alright to me. Dying on the banks of Embarcadero skies. I sat and watched you bleed. Buried you alive in a fireworks display. Raining down on me. You cold, hot blood ran away from me. To the sea…
there is only one person that frequents my dreams in such matter (you know who you are). i think it’s time to shelf the sopranos, as i refuse to stop listening to wilco.

i helped midge register for her wedding gifts yesterday, since her finance had to work. wedding guests beware, we got a little crazy with the scanner gun (e.g., truffles and perfume). the idea behind the scanner gun, makes sense, bored fiancee–give him a gun and he is more than entertained. however, sometimes the future groom isn’t in attendance and the best galpal is. when this happens, i think there should be the best friend scanner gun, something pink and sparkling would be lovely.

after registering for all those great presents, i’ll be the first in line to substitute for the groom on the actual day. let this serve as public record– if ryan is nowhere to be found on the big day, check the closet, he may or may not be tied up there. damn it, i really want that pink teapot!