Sarah Bellum's Tales of Wit and Charm

as someone pointed out to me last week; i don’t have “means for fire” in my place. no lighter. no matches. nothing.

i am 30 (eek!) and don’t currently own matching dishes, wine glasses, or for that matter have any matching glassware except the recently purchased martini glasses in my place.

unlike every woman i know, i don’t have “skinny jeans”. i do, however, own a pair of fat jeans.

i desperately need to get a new nose ring (the pretty pink jewel fell out), or rid my nose of one altogether. i am a giant baby and don’t want to go have someone torture me alone, jen isn’t here to hold my hand this time.

i miss sleeping next to someone, it just isn’t the same when there is no one to battle it out for the good pillow.

i spent time with the man behind the hot buns of steel, denzel washington. he and i aren’t on the best terms, i haven’t forgiven him for playing that dirty bastard cop in training day. it’s been five years and i still hold it against him, now that is very powerful acting. so obviously, i don’t refute his acting skills for a second, but i can’t move past that damn character he played.

anyhoooo, a cute boy took me to see inside man today. i didn’t have high expectations but it was a must see because clive owen was in it, i love me a hot brit! i only looked at my watch once, that is the best way to determine entertainment level, and the glance was only to determine bathroom time. when i ran (and i mean ran) out, a lady followed suit. as we ran, she looked over and asked inside man? funny. would have been even funnier had she washed her hands. i’m a germ freak, so i was totally grossed out. i can just see pmk laughing as he read that part. i would feel badly, but i don’t, he knows why.

the movie was good, the boy was good, and for the record i still can’t stand denzel.

i’m without a car for the next two weeks. alex was kind enough to lend me his jeep this week.

it was then i realized, i am every small town boys dream!

you might be wondering how i know this. easy. when you have multiple truck drivers whistle at you in the same day, you just assume things.

thanks for the beefy ride alex!

i’m sick and tired of winter. just when i think the powers that be are cutting us a break and spring weather is here, it snows. i want summer, therefore i need spring. to have spring, winter needs to be over. do you here me?? O-V-E-R!
with that, i bring you my top five reasons why winter should die:

1-snow, snow, and snow!
2-freezing for months. this includes daily thermostat fights with gg-top.
3-soggy pant bottoms, you see those girls with wet jeans to their shins, ME, and what’s even worse is when they do finally dry and you have stiff salt jeans. gross!
4-trying to convince my dog there is no snow, so she will go out in the mornings. comical, but it gets old fast.
5-winter dry skin, ugly and painful.

so all you snowboarding and skiing freaks, i want your “fun” season to end, if only for the sake of my sanity…..and jeans!

i break up with my friends, often. today i broke up with tim. certain life choices should be discussed over nozzle filled chai’s, not via guest blogs! don’t worry, i can easily be persuaded to reconsider. soy americano, for life. i’m losing a best friend, the least you could do is caffeinate me for life.

with that, i bring you tim’s guest blog, or guest novel. grab a cup of coffee, tivo your evening shows, settle in, and give it a read.

ps. i was horrified as the blog suggests, and furthermore the ring sucks!