Tales of Wit and Charm…

i know this week’s top five was a real stretch but i promise to make it up soon. with that said….
top five lies told this week:
1) no, i don’t remember flirting with you.
2) of course i was listening, you have my full attention.
3) you know, this database was well worth all the time and effort.
4) police officers are indeed cute.
5) i never want to see you again.

the biggest lie of them all was #5. i am going to practice meaning it, because some lies just deserve to be truth.

i have been feeling rather lonely lately, blame valentine(-less) day. however, i hope this pity party for one is ending soon.

i have a dear friend who is going through a divorce. hearing about it reminds me that perhaps i don’t really want to have a significant other in my life right now. there are so many lovely things about being single: complete control of the remote, coming home to my apartment to find it the exact same way i left it, no one drinking the last of the vodka without replacing it. yes, apparently i am a drunk control freak. ha ha, i kid (i think?).

i have to remember the last relationship i was in– for comparison value. my god, i should be happy that it’s over, not sad. we all go into new relationships with certain baggage, and hope to leave with those same sized bags. not this time! i need a full-time butler to carry these suckers around. yeah perhaps, i exaggerate but lately it does feel like my baggage has tripled.

after the nightmare commute this morning i am either a) moving to a warmer climate, or b) buying this:

thanks to a hidden wire electronic thingy woven into the fabric, this bodywarmer promises to heat me up using only battery power. HOT! of course not wanting to look like i should be on the cover of a blind melon album i am going to hold out for another color, preferably pink!

thank you maplin electronics, you warm the cockles of my little frozen heart.

someone needs to host a losers only valentine’s day party this year.

even though it is a consumer holiday, i love it to pieces. yes, i am well aware the only reason i adore it so is because of the pink factor. nothing wrong with that. when you love pink as much as i do, of course you are going to enjoy the hell out of a holiday that is bathed in it. no brainer!

sadly, i am not in a relationship this year. so there will be no special someone to celebrate with. no porn, errr…art books, flowers, and value size box of condoms this year as gifts (yes- it really happened once). in past years midge and i have celebrated with dinner, wine, and a “special” gift exchange. alas, this year she has a fiancée to attend to. which means my plans need to consist more than sweat pants, ice cream, and project runway/sex in the city episodes. so, someone please step up and host an alcohol filled pink fest. pretty please, in pink glitter? for me….