Tales of Wit and Charm…

i am a sell out.

tonight, i sold out to american idol. having never seen a single episode i finally tuned in to see what all the fuss was about. my self diagnosed attention deficit disorder only allowed twenty minutes. i refuse to admit i enjoyed the show. however, i absolutely (pun intended) admit i’m madly in lust with the dreamy ace “i want to hump you” young. luckily, i was able to stop drooling long enough to notice that ace reminded me of someone….

so, shag-worthy twins separated at birth?!

i double-triple latte love jason lewis–otherwise known as smith jared, samantha’s super sexy boyfriend on sex in the city.

i tell you this lest i end up chopped into pieces and placed into someone’s deep freezer, only to be discovered by my trusty lassy dog daisy, and only because she was hungry and there wasn’t anyone to fill her bowl (someone has to keep her in fatness, and that someone is me) –this will serve as my written record of such events that led up to my untimely death.

i am contemplating signing up for match.com (gasp). if i don’t end up dead, think of the possibilities. no, not the possible dating matches, the possible entertainment factor. i blame jacquie brown. if you weren’t getting married and i wasn’t faced with finding a date i wouldn’t have realized just how long it has been since i was asked out on a proper date. so jac this one is on you–miss me when i am gone!

this post is my preventative maintenance, as i have yet to join. please feel free to attempt talking me out of it.

a cautionary tale when eating at la frontera…..

alex calls this my “is there really a guy wearing a hat that says cocks behind me look”.

enough said.

i saw this today while at the store!
when the normal person sees a giant beware of dog sign they, well beware! not me. i made the mistake of getting closer. remember barkley from sesame street? well, a ferocious larger version of that dog lunged at me through the half open window. i screamed and ran. sadly, there was no pmk to hide behind this time.

as soon as it warms up enough to take daisy in the car again, i am soooo getting one. how funny would it be to see that sign on a car with a pug? i can’t wait!

i have a nasty little ear infection. in an effort to avoid a night time trip to the instacare i went in search for some sudafed, my mom’s cure all. when i am not feeling well i regress and immediately need to phone my mom. AND no matter what the ailment, sudafed is the cure.

cold? sudafed. sore throat? sudafed. pimple? sudafed.

off i went in search of the magic red pills. living downtown, while usually fantastic, is not the ideal location for midnight cold medicine retrieval. two pharmacies later and all i was able to find was the sudafed pharmacy card. at midnight, the pharmacy is closed! what the hell?! to avoid contributing to the meth labs, these pharmacies won’t let you purchase any ephedrine based product without the “supervision” of a pharmacist.

i cried. honestly, i did. i was in some serious pain.

i found the assorted eardrop selection. i immediately opened one and made krissy drop them into my ear right then and there. sure, people looked at us funy, but at that point i refused to care.

the moral of this very painful story is to plan ahead with those winter colds!

some have wild friday nights out on the town. some choose to stay home and play with their new kitchen appliances. i am the latter.

i accidentally stopped at target on the way home, and i accidentally bought this…
i immediately canceled plans and invited krissy over to partake of the goodness. i don’t cook, just don’t do it. i have never taken the time to learn and don’t see myself learning anytime soon. however, this i can do! in under 5 minutes i made not only something edible, but GOOD! i am saved. ever since the super-size me induced mcdonald’s boycott i have been craving these like a preggo craves pickles. problem easily solved. everyone needs this new toy. the kitchen is now more than just a place to store coffee and diet coke….it holds food!

who knew…

now if i can avoid what seems to be the micky d’s phenomenon. i don’t want a giant ass, because you know what comes with fast food weight gain right? nascar jackets.
you reading this mom?? stop the snoopy dance madness, nothing changes. i am still against most things kitchen!